Depression is the new Atkins

So I have lost 14 pounds since my little accident, slightly over a pound a day. I am assuming that some of this is water and I am sure my skating muscles are rapidly fading but it is exciting none the less. My clothes definitely fit differently so some of it has to be legit. This inexplicable rapid weight loss is the only good thing in my life so I am actually very thankful for it.

I went up to practice last night for a bit to see everyone. It was a little worrysome how low the turnout was - it seems like when a few key people aren't there everything seems to fall apart. Mostly it was just really sad. It finally really hit me that I won't be skating for a year. As fly ridden, nasty and smelly as the rink is, I have already started to miss it terribly.

I tried to shake off the saddness with vodka tonics but it didn't really work. So I spent a few hours last night lying in bed crying like a big baby. Really there are only three things I want right now, one I can't have at all, so it is no use dwelling on it anymore (at least not publicly), the second is my dogs and I am only capable of handling one of them and the third is to skate, which I won't be doing for a very long time.

When will this bad luck streak end?

I was told last night that I should play powerball because I am in a prime position to win. Then that person retracted and told me if I played I would probably just win enough so that it put me in a new tax bracket and I would come out with less money than I started with. That seems about right.

superStar

It has been really nice to hang out with just superStar again. I love Monkey a lot but he is definitely a handful. superStar is just so peaceful and calm, grateful for even the smallest amount of attention. Though all I really do all day is pay attention to him. I have recently realized how similar we are - Happy for attention but the first to retreat into a corner in a crowd, weary of strangers, desperate to love and be loved, light sleepers, patient in our daily lives but impatient when presented with something exciting or different. It is amazing that based on almost no time or selection criteria, I could end up with a dog just like me. It is strange how the world works.

It is also why I love Monkey so much, as he is the exact opposite of all of that, it keeps things interesting. I realized last night that he is the canine embodyment of Lennie in Of Mice and Men - big, dumb, unaware of his own strength or the trouble he can cause but sweet, well meaning and without a mean bone in his body.

A Shed came to visit

Yesterday a truck pulled up and parked alongside my house towing a shed. The shed was not new but perfectly servicable and of a good size. I don't know if it was the painkillers or that I was desperate for company but somehow I convinced myself that this shed was for me. I thought 'why would someone send me a shed'? Then I started making plans for where it would go and what I would do with it. Just as I was settling into the idea of having a shed in my life, a truck door slammed and the shed left as quickly as it had come.

I think this says a lot

I was watching Regis and Kelly this morning and Regis was talking about his recent viewing of the new Bridget Jones movie:

Regis says "Now here is what I don't understand. She is very overweight" (speaking of Bridget Jones).

Kelly - "Well she is curvy"

Regis: "She is very overweight, I wish Notre Dame had line backers that big"..."And she is always saying the wrong thing and causing trouble".."Why do these guys like her?"

Kelly - "Well she is spunky and guys like that"

Regis: " Guys like spunk within reason, nobody would like someone who is very overweight and acts like that"

I think you get the point. I would like to point out that Renee Zellweger only weighed 135 and she is 5'2", which while a bit high, is well within the range of normal. Plus, it all goes to her boobs anyway. Why is it where we live in a world where a not thin, very weird looking, old man can rip on someone who is 10-15 pounds overweight?

I had sex with Elvis!

Ok, I only had a dream that I had sex with Elvis but it is pretty much the only good thing that has happened to me in weeks, so I am going with it. As with most dreams, there were a lot of things that made him not so Elvis like, it was really more in name only. He was more of an amalgam of past boys I have known (some "known" in a more biblical sense, some not). Oddly though, they were all boys that I haven't thought about in a long while. It was like all the boys from 10 years ago got together to create one perfect man - Elvis. Though lately, even my dreams aren't perfect, as eventually Elvis just disappeared while I was getting dressed so we could go out.

Two odd bits of reality slipped into the dream that are worth noting:

1) I was trying on dresses that I actually own (though they looked a lot better on my skinny dream self)
2) We had sex in what I determined a few days ago is the only position I could have sex in with these leg braces, although I was not wearing the braces in my dream.

Another thing worth noting in my dream is that I seemed to be a really bad kisser. Now, it wasn't like Elvis said "you are a really bad kisser" because if Elvis put me down like that, even in my dreams, I would be suicidally upset. It was more just something that I felt in the dream. For lack of a better explanation, it was the sort of making out that one does when they are really drunk or tired and are merely doing it out of some sort of obligation. The kind of kissing where, if given the choice, you would rather be sleeping or throwing up.

Though I want to be clear, I would not slight Elvis like that in real life. I am sure had it been a real elvis, I would have pulled out all the make out stops. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that the real Elvis probably wasn't a very good kisser. I bet he had a "I am Elvis so I don't have to do anything" attitude. When I was in high school, there was this band in Seattle called "Best Kissers in the World", I always felt like they were setting themselves up a bit. That is a big statement to live up to.

Cough due to Cold

My friend Charlie visited me on Thursday and he seemed to be sick with something. I told him that if he got me sick, my crippled self would kill him. Well I think he has and now he is in Portland, where my crippled self will not be able to go for quite some time. Luckily, Percoset seems to be a nice cold cure all so it is not too much of a bother.

Friendster Status

So I guess that friendster changed the display mechanism for your "friends" so that all friends are listed in alphabetical order. Previously they were listed in order of the day they signed up on friendster. An early comer to the whole friendster thing, my friend Mike is incredibly dispondent over the fact that he no longer has the same Friendster status as he once had because he is now displayed in the middle as opposed to the beginning of everyone's friend lists. I feel bad for him, I really do.

The Bee's Knees

I was never quite sure what exactly "bee's knees" means but since I will discuss my knees for a bit, it seems a fitting title. My knees seem to hurt a bit less but are just about as useless as last week. I was feeling really good on saturday, thinking that I had made some sort of major improvement but then I took the braces off to take a shower...The knees were just as bad as before. It is really depressing, being alone and crippled. Not being able to go anywhere or doing anything by myself and sucking all my friend's time and energy when he has no sort of obligation to take care of me other than he is just too nice.

I went out on Saturday night, which was really exciting, even though I was in constant pain. It felt so good to be around people and see friends. The rollergirls also made $419 dollars so we are well on our way to merchandise purchase, we desperately need some shirts. The lead singer of Bad Luck City was really good at promoting us too. I think he should come to all of our events.

I finally broke down and called my mom this weekend since she couldn't be bothered to call me. Then she told me some biazarre and untrue story about her phone being broken all week. I know this isn't true because half way through the week I called and talked to my sister. I just sat on the phone a little dumbfounded thinking "Is my mother really lying to me about her phone?" Sadly, the answer was yes, though it was tough for me to get through my head at the time.

My work is being total assholes and I think I will probably end up losing my job. I just don't care. I can't physically work like that any more so if I lose it, I just hope it is after most of my major healthcare situations are done with.

Other than that..

I have started to use this time to write a bunch of songs for Rock0la. My goal is 100 songs.