Must stop shovelling food in my face like a total asshole

I don't know what is going on with me but ever since my second surgery, I have been hungry all the time. So I just eat and eat like a total pig. It is really gross since I am not really much of an eater normally (though my body - the genetic betrayal that is my legacy - would suggest otherwise). It doesn't help that I can't really move around too much yet either. Must stop eating. For instance today I have had 3 bowls of vegetable soup, two handfuls of chips and about 7 thin mint cookies. I don't mean to be so "Clueless" in the way I can recall all of my food intake for the day, but I am dealing with a lot of shame here.

Now I know once I can move around and am not dealing with the crushing boredom of leg elevation, it will get better. I will eventually be back to my no eating, losing weight self but I think I am undoing months of work in a few short weeks right now.

In short, I totally suck right now. Oh but my new hairdo is totally cute.

Weirdo Weekend

It started out really good. Friday night was a definite winner. I saw I heart huckabees and though I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, I loved it!!! It was one of those rare times when I found myself thinking "wow, that Marky Mark is a really good actor." I felt his vibration ("we'd all be heroes if we would quit using petroleum"). Then I had my most painless night of sleep that I have had since my operation, I attribute it to the company I was keeping.

However, it was all pretty much downhill after that. Saturday was nothing but boring. It doesn't sound like anyone's else's was much better. Had I gone out with the ladies post Dropframe (channel 12) season premier (did you see the rollergirls promo?), my night would have consisted of half a drive to High Street Speakeasy until we happened on a guy getting the shit beat out of him by six lodo frat types. Well, the rollergirls decided to flex a little muscle (or in typical rollergirl fashion, more tongue and vocal chords), pulled over and started screaming at the guys until they ran off. Rollergirls represent. I guess those guys stole his cell phone, wallet and really did a number on his face. I fucking hate lodo! What is wrong with people?

Sunday was the real loser of the weekend though. Inadvertently got sucked into someone else's depressive state. Was totally grumpy, so I decided to go out to bloody mary night at Lion's Lair, where Cat relayed the weekend events of the rollergirls. Things were looking up until my phone rang, looked at the number quickly, thought it was my sister but as I was answering it, realized that it was my least favorite Jew. He is really pulling out all the stops this time, letter not heeded. Got into a screaming fight with him in the middle of lion's lair, went outside and continued screaming at him. It looked something like this "get it through your fucking head, I don't love you - PS you don't love me" which would have been okay but then it got worse "what do you mean you are thinking about visiting some 22 year old in Fremont, you never came to visit me in SF. I always had to come to you. I fucking hate you, why can't you just leave me alone." It got even worse but I don't want to bore you with my drama. After a while it wasn't even about him, I was just going off.

The funny thing is, I am totally over him, usually I can easily deal with his childlike crap by just hanging up on him. I think I was projecting my fears and anxieties about other things (or other people) on to him. I made him my little punching bag, which he probably deserves but isn't very adult of me, none the less. I just feel really stupid now and immature. I have learned a valuble lesson about checking my caller id very carefully before I answer. I really don't want to speak to him anymore. Even though he is having some sort of crisis about me, I am really just indulging it because I have anxiety over my job and boy and bad timing. I am redirecting it into this complete waste of time that is Ivan.

As if this wasn't all bad enough, in an attempt to lighten my mood, I called the boy I would actually want to talk to and woke him from a sound sleep. Then I felt like even more of an asshole. It was a very unevenkeeled day. Usually I am a lot steadier.

So here's to hoping that this week, when I will lose my job and get the stupid immobilizer off, will be better. Here's hoping that next weekend will be fun and that things look up for everyone.

My Knee is Sooooooo Pretty

"There's nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy"

A little Breakfast Club reference seemed appropriate since I am sitting in my weekend English class. This is the last day of this hellish 9-4pm 3 weekend class. It actually was pretty easy and seems to be over fairly quick. Plus, you gotta love any class where I can blog while I am in it.

My leg is still killing me. This one is taking a lot longer to feel better than the last one. After the last surgery, I could have sex nine days after. This one, not so much. I am not even going to go into how much that is pissing me off. Frustrating is a total understatement.

Here is the worst part (ok not really worse than the no sex but induldge me) - I have a fucking cankle. My leg is so swollen and brusied that you really can't tell where the calf ends and the ankle begins. God I am an asshole. The bruising on this one is really astounding. I am going to post a picture when I can.