I need warning

Here's the thing. If we are friends and at some point in the future we are not going to be, I need advance warning, like lots. I am sure you are thinking that will never happen or under what circumstances would we not still be friends...

There are always circumstances, believe me. I don't deal with losing my friends well. Sometimes it is my fault. In the past, when the dynamics of a certain friendship have changed and it wasn't to my liking I turned grouchy and mean. bad amanda. In that case, I guess I was my own warning. However, if it is something that is no fault of my own, again I say, please give me at least two weeks notice. I would also like it if the notice was very jarring so that it would get my attention.

Could you put it on the Emergency Broadcast System perhaps? I need something with bells and whistles for it to really hit home. Then I will fight it and probably you. Inevitably, I will turn grouchy and mean. But that is okay because you didn't want to be friends with me anyway.

In the end, it is probably better this way because when two friends just stop being friends for no reason it is always really sad. If there is a fight, it is a bit more justified. I know you are thinking that this just isn't going to happen (more likely if you are anyone but me, you aren't thinking about it at all). But it could, it always can and I need that warning so that I can start shovelling food, alcohol and illegal substances into the big gaping hole that your absence will leave.

Do you perhaps need a bullhorn? If that would help I will purchase you one. You could use the siren feature and then say "Attention Amanda, I feel that our friendship will have run it's course in two to three weeks and I must be moving on."

In other news

Monkey ate a whole bag of halloween Snickers, wrappers and all yesterday. Then he was so hyper and psycho that when I let him outside, he immediately broke out of the yard and jumped into the minivan of the unsuspecting man that was loading his two children into the car. I raced across the street in my pajamas to find him sitting in the back seat, eating their hamburgers. I have never been so embarassed in my life. What do you say to someone when your dog has just eaten their fast food. Do you offer to buy them more? I didn't, I just apologized and took Monkey back to the yard. But afterwards I wondered if I should have given them some money or something. One of the kids was crying. It was quite a scene.