Opposing Forces

I really want to learn how to make a better cake. I have some bizarre idea that if I put some effort into it, I could be a really fabulous cake maker. As it stands right now I really can't bake anything other than cookies. I have a problem with precision and baking seems to require a lot of that. However, I do know a good cake when I taste it so I think if I just put my mind to it I could make a really kick ass cake. It is a skill I would like to develop. Of course, in my typical way, I can't just think about baking a cake - in my head I already have a bakery called Cakewalk and the slogan would be Fun Cakes for Fun People. Don't steal that, I may actually have a bakery some day...though I doubt it.

The one thing that I really need to do is get back on the whole diet kick. Which of course, doesn't really lend itself well to cake baking. I am so tired of being fat but the diet thing is so much easier said than done. I feel like I am really at this whole make or break point though with the situation. Last night I was lying in bed thinking about how I should make a death pact with myself where if I haven't finished losing weight by the end of the summer, I should just kill myself and get a do over (see how annoying it is being an insomniac?). Not that I would ever really do that (I have a dog to think about) but it really is that frustrating because it isn't like I am some sort of lazy pig. The funny thing is that I don't think that I really look that bad (maybe there is something I can't see, a hump on my back perhaps?) and if left to my own devices, while I would want to be in better shape, I wouldn't really want to be that much thinner. However, it really isn't up to me is it? I can't dress the way I want because none of the clothes that I want ever fit (I am so sick of shopping at old navy and the Gap that I could puke) and I am tired of watching all the good guys end up with vastly inferior yet skinnier girls. I figure if I talk about dieting here is it a much firmer commitment because then I have legions of (or 3) internet fans that I have to be accountable to. It isn't like i am all talk here - i have already lost 60 pounds but at this point I just wonder how long do I have to wait to reap some of the fucking benefits of dieting?

"I don't want to miss you, I just want to make you mine"

Right now I am listening to one of my favorite albums Anna by Anna Waronker. I haven't listened to it in a long time - it is the kind of album that just makes me want to shake my hair around a lot, while simultaneously making me a little sad. I wouldn't really say that it is typically the type of music that I would like (it is in that girl singer/songwriter vain) but it is fabulous and catchy as hell, none the less. Also Anna and her fabulously tall husband Steven McDonald (Redd Kross!!!) are the nicest (and probably hottest) couple in rock. They have a band together with Jeff McDonald called Ze Malibu Kids. Their album Sound It Out is on Spain's Houston Party records. If you don't have a copy, you should get one. It is, in my opinion, one of the greatest pop albums ever made.