13 going on 30

Yesterday I saw 13 going on 30 and it was a lot better than I would have expected. Though I was slightly inebriated so I may not be the best judge. The music was all off though - the 13 portion was set in 1987 and the music was all from 1983. It was a bit of a stretch but good anyway. For some reason I found Mark Ruffalo's voice extremely annoying. It makes me want to rethink my position about sleeping with him at a drive in. There is a particularly fabulous dance scene but I don't want to ruin it. Go see it.

Old habits die hard

For the longest time I was in love with this guy that I really had no business being in love with. On paper he was great - hot, good taste in music, reasonably funny, great taste in cars and had enough money that he didn't really have to work. In reality, a total disaster, I hate to use terms like this because I think they are tacky but he is actually emotionally unavailable. I have never met a more awkward closed off person in my life (though they do kind of seem to be a pattern with me). We were together for a while. Every so often, he likes to still make these cameo appearances in my life promising all kinds of stuff that I know he will never deliver on. Actually the only thing he can deliver on is not delivering. In the beginning, I just wanted to believe him so bad that I would actually buy into all of it. He would say that he was making the five hour drive to my house, I would actually even get all prettied up, then he would call a few hours later to say that he had to move a truck or clean his bathroom or something. Hmmm...this is making me sound really pitiful isn't it? I think I just wanted it to be true because he was like the last tie to a part of my life that I could never get back (though for the most part I would never want it back).

Now my feelings have totally shifted and I now see him as some form of entertainment. I know just what he wants to hear and that when I don't tell him those things he gets so annoyed, it is funny. Maybe it is really mean of me but I actually think that it is more than fair. Anyway, he just started IMing me again the other day (which I didn't really think he would ever do because I totally told him off last time this happened) and I have been having some really good fun with it. Anyway, this probably is some sort of violation of confidence but I am going to post today's conversation for the enjoyment of all. Screen names have been changed - he is L, I am J.

L: So what is going on?
J: not much, I am just updating my blog. What is new with you?
L: You have a blog?
J: yes
L: I was unaware.
J: it is a good time killer and it keeps all the west coast friends updated
L: You are a social butterfly.
J: not at all actually. I went out for coffee with my friend kate yesterday and I was lamenting the fact that I don't have enough friends in this town
J: I just want to meet some boys
J: or at least some not gay boys
L: For sex?
J: well you know dating then sex
L: Would you at least care to view me nude?
J: no thanks
L: ?
L: I am well-hung
J: can't we just be friends?
L: Of course
L: Are we not friends?
J: Well you know, the kind of friends that just talk about things other than being well hung
L: I guess so, but...
L: *boring*
J: well maybe for you, not really for me. I don't really understand why me looking at nude pictures of you is interesting

He has some naked issues, like as in he wants everyone to see him naked all the time. It is probably because he has an exceptionally large penis and it is the only thing about himself that he feels good about. If you are going to be in the LA area and are interested in a completely defective guy that is great in bed (warning: he won't make out with you), let me know and I will give you his number.

"My special gift is impossible relationships"

Not to get too Pretty Woman on everyone but I really do think that I have a special knack for impossible relationships. Mostly just falling in love with guys that will never love me back. What is weird about it though is that I can convince myself for so long that there is some sort of hope. I have to believe that I am not alone in this though, I think a lot of girls do this but when I do it, I actually rule out the option of any other guy. I can't see past these guys that I can never have. I have actually gone on dates before where I have talked about the guy that I can't have. Now, I am very smart so I do it in a way that doesn't seem like I am completely uninterested in the person sitting in front of me but I actually am. It's sad I know, but I just want what I want. I used to think that this was something that I could work on and make go away but now I just kind of accept it. Eventually one of two things always happens, either I fall out of love with the person that I can't have or what I want and what I can get collide typically with disastrous results. Though I do hold out some hope (as all people do I am sure) that one day I will actually fall in love with someone that wants me back (without the disastrous results). ...now if this really was pretty woman somebody would say "I think you have lots of special gifts".