Nerve/Salon Personals

Often I read the Nerve/Salon personals for entertainment. I don't have a profile because that sort of thing just really isn't my bag. Not to mention the fact that there are no hot or interesting people on the Denver ones anyway. For example, there was this one guy that I found the other day who seemed sort of cool but then I noticed something - One spelling mistake...then another...major grammatical error...so on. By the third misspelling I decided that it clearly wasn't just lack of proofreading. Then on his "Who I want to meet" part he said "someone that doesn't mind that I can't write or spell"! You would think if he realized that he was borderline illiterate, he would do something about it. Often just to get better reading I have to put in my old SF zip code.

Here are some interesting commonalities that I have noticed on the personals recently (really somebody should be studying this because I think you can learn a lot about people from these 1 page summaries of people's lives):

Most guys list that they are looking for a woman who weights under 130 pounds but then will put absolutely absurd things into the height section like 5'9" to 6'5". Look, I am not going to frown on a guy for liking skinny girls, goodness knows I would like to be thinner, but could you at least go for height weight proportionate and not for Kate Moss' more anorexic sister? Not to mention the fact that if you are a woman that is 5'9", you are in the 95% of women's height. It is a little sad that all the guys are clamoring after the same 5%, but that is guys for you.

Not to get on too much of a tangent here (also, before I start with this statement I am not really saying that this is good or bad - it's not a judgment call, just a observation) but I have noticed that even with guys that are not going for the upper 5% (which according to Ivan, all live in LA anyway) they all have a physical type and that takes precedence above everything else. I know I am not breaking new ground by saying that but what is interesting and less observed is that when asked most guys will describe all kinds of personality traits that they are looking for in a girl. However, if you look at the same guys dating/crush/obsession history, these personality traits never hold true but usually the girls will physically be more or less the same. So what is with all the bullshit? I am just giving a shout out to reality here when I say it doesn't make you look deep to say you are looking for a bunch of qualities that you aren't looking for, it makes you look like a liar.

Also, I am not trying to just slam the guys. Women often do the exact same thing but in reverse. Women always describe a physical type that they like and then date guys who look completely different from one another but act exactly the same. I say, what is with all the hypocrisy? I am coming clean right now and telling it like it is for me - I have always dated guys that looked different from one another some completely hot, some completely not but even if the guys are different personality wise, I always end up in the exact same type of relationship. So if you are looking for someone that (stage 1) will wait on you hand and foot, give you whatever you want and will martyr herself for you (Stage 1 will, incidentally, be the greatest time of your life) and then (stage 2) once you take it all for granted and start resenting her for doing the same things that you loved so much in the beginning, (stage 3) she will do a complete 180 (like waking up from a bad dream) and dump your ass with very little warning - then I am your girl. Sounds appealing huh? I haven't actually had a boyfriend in a while so I am hoping this doesn't happen in the future (hence the time off to rethink and regroup) and while I would say that I am getting better (I think recently I have found a happy medium) - I am definitely not cured - the desire to fuck everything up is still there.

Okay huge tangent over, back to the personals observations:

Also a lot of people (men and women alike) list Air or Oxygen as one of the things that they can't live without. I know this is meant to be funny. It is just that when everyone does it, it isn't funny. It is like when I was in Napa the other weekend and my grandma used the term "Bling, Bling" and then told me she learned it on Ellen. Need I say more?

For a while, most women listed Massive Attack under the favorite music (I can't take credit for that observation, first noticed by Mike) but that seems to have now switched to the White Stripes. I think it is also the quintessential dividing line between women over and under 30 - over:Massive Attack (ps massive attack blows and I am not just saying that because i am under 30), under:White Stripes (white stripes are good but to quote a guy in a parking lot at one of their shows "You see all these assholes going to this show and what does that say about you because you are going to the show too?").

Most guys list an array of music so varied that it is both embarrassing (for them, of course) and it makes them look like they have no opinions about anything what so ever. These guys also usually ski.

In the fill in the blank section, most girls use a variety of combinations of the words intelligence and creativity. Such as: Intelligence is sexy but Creativity is sexier, Creativity is sexy but Intelligence is sexier, or Creativity is sexy but Creative Intelligence is sexier. It goes on but you get my meaning. Oddly enough, in this particular category guys seem to have the better and more varied answers. If I was filling in those blanks I would say something like Chrome is sexy but Roller Skates are sexier - wouldn't that just be better and say a lot more?...Wait! Don't you steal that, you theiving Salon Personals types - you don't get to benefit from my sexy intelligence and sexier creativity!

So the point of all these observations is this: If you were creating one of these profiles wouldn't you want to look at the other profiles and distinguish yourself by doing what others were not doing? Maybe some people don't look at other profiles at all but I have to believe that some of these people are looking at other profiles and very purposefully putting almost the exact same things - which is even scarier.

Splendor in the Grass

I couldn't sleep last night (for those of you that don't know, I am a chronic insomniac - this also explains the careful analysis of the personals) and I watched Splendor in the Grass which I hadn't seen in a long time. I really like it even though it is so melodramatic that it could be a Douglas Sirk movie. I did notice something new about it today - Warren Beatty was fucking hot! You know people always talk about him being hot and I never see it but rewatching that movie, I finally got it. Hot!

Friendster

Do you know what makes me happy? When I look at one of my friend(ster)'s profiles and see that they haven't logged on in months. I get excited that there are people out there with better things to do and that they are my friends. I just wish I was one of them, with better things to do, I mean - I am my friend.