For Those About To Rock!!!!!

2006-08-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

How much is just too much?

Things have been really hard lately. I think about updating my blog a lot but I never do because i don't really have anything nice, fun or interesting to say. It is all pretty gloomy.

I think I hit a wall yesterday. Everything officially reached a point where, I have to hope, it is not possible to go any lower. Things are really screwed up and most of it has no business being in a blog, so it won't.

What I will put in though is the straw that broke the camel's back. I was having a late lunch with a good friend (and former rollergirl) when in walks our worst nightmare. The girl who is responsible for the split of the derby leagues and, more importantly, is just an all around bad person. Since the day I met her, I have seen her do nothing but hurtful, horrible things. I am not going to dwell on it too much but this girl is the type of person that looks for problems and exploits them to make her life better or bring her attention. She is genuinely cruel and takes active pleasure in the misery of others. When all the shit with the derby leagues went down I used to have nightmares every night that I was punching her face in and yelling, "I didn't break my knees and ruin my life so that someone like you can fuck everything up." I would wake up every morning crying.

Hopefully I am painting a good enough picture. The one more thing that I will add, only because it is funny, is that when all of the rollergirl shit was going down and this girl was making demands of everyone left and right under the guise of "saving the league", when she was trying to steal it the whole time, she was thwarted at every turn. Why? because my ladies are smart and to quote the most awesome rollergirl that ever was "If you want to challenge me fine, if you want to steal the league, go ahead and try but for FUCKSAKE give me a more worthy opponent than ---------". Let's call her Roller Doll X . There are people that I like to talk about not liking for entertainment value, but those dislikes are usually pretty benign. With people like this girl, I hate them so much that all I can do is never think about them because it is physically painful for me.

So back to the story, she walks in and sits down at the table RIGHT NEXT TO OURS! Why she wouldn't have the good sense to move is beyond me but, as I said before, she takes pleasure in shit like this. We continue to eat, she ignores us, except for a few shared eyerolls and looks of disbelief between my friend and I, all is good.

That is until my friend mike's wife walks in and sits down at the same table with Roller Doll X. I didn't see her at first but there I was eating my burger when I feel someone touch my shoulder. I look up and there she is, she says "what are you doing here?". To which I responded "Uh, eating lunch?". She says nothing more and sits down at the table with Roller Doll X and we all just go back to pretending like the other isn't there. Imagine my amazement, I knew they worked together, but I honestly thought she would have better judgment than to hang out with someone like Roller Doll X. Needless to say, by this time I am reeling and all I can think about is how painfully small denver is.

It is uncomfortable so i am trying to eat faster but this is also a lunch that has been in the works for weeks and is now rapidly being ruined by circumstances beyond our control. Even in the best of circumstances it is hard to talk comfortably with people you know a foot away and this wasn't the best of circumstances.

THEN!!!! as if this all wasn't enough, Mike walks in. He sees me, barely acknowledges me - says less than his wife did and sits down at the table with them, six inches from me and says nothing else. It made me sick to my stomach. it would be like me walking in to have lunch with his ex-wife and giving him a nod of acknowledgement. The Roller Doll X thing was bad enough but to pretend like I wasn't there just made my skin crawl. This is, for all intents and purposes, supposed to be my closest friend in denver which makes me wonder.....

And this is the reason why I am writing, obviously there are differences between men and women but isn't the whole thing with friendship supposed to be that you are loyal to your friends? That you always have someone to watch your back and stick up for you. Is it really too much to expect that you would say "Hey, I really don't want to hang out with that chick because she was really shitty to one of my best friends"? But I guess, just like everything else in my life, I guess it is just the concept of "what she doesn't know, won't hurt her." This is what I am faced with at every turn lately. Who is it that I am supposed to trust when even the people closest to me have no qualms about doing something that they know would hurt the hell out of me as long as I am not going to find out? Well here is the problem with me.....I always fucking find out. I would love to not know this shit, but this is my curse.

So I am not sure what the moral of the story is? Is it that I shouldn't have any expectations of anyone else? Is it that even the people closest to me don't really care about hurting me (or if others hurt me), that everything thing else is more important?

I don't know, what the answers are to a lot of these things. Maybe I am just being stupid, maybe I just need to accept that nobody is going to worry about me but me. but I can tell you this, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be in a situation where my best friend would act like I was a virtual stranger.

2006-08-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

"Old age comes to everyone and makes everyone equal"

That's a quote from a book so stupid that I am embarassed to admit that I read it. In my defense, I was only 11 or 12. If anyone can guess where it is from (exact book please), I will dig up a prize - the only hint I can give is the age that I was when I read it. Terrible book, but it doesn't make the quote any less true.

I turned 30 today and I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. The number doesn't actually bother me - it is just that I feel like I am trapped in a talking heads song. For the last week or so, not an hour has gone by that I haven't asked myself "How did I get here?". It's not a judgement, just honest to goodness bewilderment.

Daniel cooked dinner and it was really good. He doesn't cook, ever, so I think he was as shocked as I was. He should really do it more - he is actually quite good at it. He also gave me a lottery ticket that i feel very good about so maybe I will become a millionaire tomorrow. He also threw me an almost surprise party on Friday at the karaoke bar - it was fun but the karaoke sucked that night.

My parents gave me a lamp and nothing has ever made me feel so OLD. A lamp with gold accents - I don't think i need to say anything more about that.

Normally on my birthday, a friend of mine floods my inbox with e-cards. He started this a few years ago because he is never in town on my birthday. It didn't happen this year and was the big disappointment of the "Sweet 3 Oh" as I call it.

My mom didn't call me either, also a disappointment but a little more predictable than the e-card situation actually.

Okay - I didn't intend for this post to be a downer but it is working out that way. I will just stop until I have something nicer to say. I thought I should update lest anyone accuse me of being a blog abandoner.

2006-06-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Mr. Jealousy

We are going to LA and Disneyland for Daniel's birthday so I only got him one little (in physical size) gift. It is so awesome that I am totally jealous and want to keep it for myself. That isn't right, is it? I will reveal what it is after I give it to him.

It will be very anticlimactic for most of you.

2006-06-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

More things I want! Thursday

Okay, I thought I had pretty much summed it up before but we were talking about movies at lunch today and I have a few to add

What? There is a Criterion version of my favorite movie?!? I guess this is because Noah Baumbach is so hot now since co-writing Life Aquatic and getting an Oscar Nomination for Squid and the Whale. He is soooo hot right now. Anyway, I don't know why Kicking and Screaming wasn't bigger...it is brilliant.

Finally, Shag comes to DVD. I want it and don't feel that I need to explain myself.

Now if they could just release a special edition of Singles, my life would be perfect.

2006-06-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

Fish Art Update

Finally got our snorkelling pics developed and made the fish art that I mentioned before. I like that you can make your own posters and get them printed super cheap online. It is one of the best inventions ever. Daniel doesn't like it but it is on our wall anyway.

2006-06-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to Elliott Smith...or Steak Knives aren't just for cutting meat anymore

After a friend decided to strip his wood staircase and found a stripper that actually worked, I decided to try, again, to strip the trim in my house.

I started out with the stripper on the outside trim and door of the bathroom. The paint came off but it was still taking a lot of time. That was ok though, because I didn't expect it to go fast - I saw it as a year long project to do the whole house. Then something totally random and awesome happened. I saw some paint that was bubbled up from the wood and wondered if I could just peel it off, so I got a steak knife (yes, seriously) from the kitchen to pry the paint off with. It totally worked and the paint came off in a long sheet. Then what I discovered is it wasn't just there. Basically, whoever had put down the first coat of paint had not sanded down the varnish below so that it would bond.

Armed with only a steak knife, I began to peel the paint away from the trim everywhere in the hallway. Then, Daniel thought all of the knife weilding looked fun so he grabbed a steak knife and joined in. What I thought would take me a month, has taken only two evenings after work. It isn't totally paint free, I will still have to strip some areas with chemical stripper, mostly the areas with detail and ridges but it has gone so much faster than I ever could have thought.

As you might imagine, when using a steak knife to peel paint, there are a lot of near misses with eyes, fingers, feet. Everytime I almost stabbed myself, which was all the time, I couldn't help thinking about Elliott Smith and how hard it must be to stab yourself in the heart with a steak knife. Here are some pics:

These are the doors to our bedroom and a closet - totally stripped with a steak knife

These are the doors to the front bedroom/office and the bathroom. The bathroom doorway is where I used the chemical stripper, it obviously didn't go as well. You can see how it is much splotchier.

2006-06-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

I want that! Wednesday

I don't often covet much but here is a list of things that I really want. For those of you who may be wondering "what should i get amanda for her birthday?"

The Kyoto Truckette from Queen Bee Creations.

Oh Lomo Colorsplash, you both look great and take awesome pictures.

I will give up on a new digital camera for the lomo colorsplash but it would be nice to have a bigger Memory Card for my current camera.

Tiffany, I want to hate you but I can't! Especially when you make a cute little starfish pendant.

The new Super Mario Brothers is like Nintendo DS crack. I heart Mario

I am a simple person, this baby 16' Airstream Bambi International will suit me fine.

Other than these things, I am pretty happy with what I have. Though I could probably use some more tools for fixing up the house, since that is what I seem to spend all my time doing these days. Brief post about home improvement to follow.

2006-06-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

I couldn't be less motivated

I was forced to go to some giant seminar yesterday with my entire office called "Get Motivated". It was a random assortment of conservative republican style characters from Rudy Guliani and Colin Powell to some guy who is on informercials in the middle of the night telling you how to by investment properties and get RICH! even if your current circumstances are that you are homeless with a sign on the street.

It was horrible, 9 hours of people trying to sell me things and tell me what a failure I currently am, I mean, I must be if I was at the seminar, right? Well it wasn't my choice.

2006-05-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

Shop Talk

I am reluctant to discuss my job too much on this blog. Mostly because I don't really think that it is that interesting to most people, sometimes not even me. Though something has been bothering me for a few days and it is, in fact, related to my job:

When we deal with user experience and usability, are the user types of websites becoming so varied that it is difficult to judge how usable a site is? Often in my research, I come across this concept of the fairly savvy internet user - age demographic 18 - 35. But what does that really mean? For example, what if you are a 20 year old that spends most of their time reading blogs? Are you going to have the same expectations from a website as a 32 year old woman who primarily uses the web for shopping? Both would be considered experienced internet users but, it seems to me, that they would have very different expectations when visiting a website for the first time.

Although I have been thinking about this concept for a while, specifically since the rollergirls gained control over their site and started posting updates, it really became lodged in my head after I visited Peter Morville's (author of the Polar Bear Book) Blog - finability.org. Ironically, this man who writes about user experience and usability for a living, has a blog that it took me FOREVER to find anything on. Basically, I was looking for his archived blog postings and it took me a good 3 minutes to find them. I felt like I was a dunce but was I? I really don't think so. In a nutshell, here is the problem as I see it:

I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis, most of them, have very similar conventions when it comes to naming and navigation. Findability.org is set up like a traditional website and not a blog, ostensibly, I would assume, to make things "findable". Past posts are organized by topic and then there is one small link at the top that says "Archive". Yes, it is pretty logical and if I was on a standard website, I probably would have gotten it right away. But I wasn't on a traditional website, I was on a blog. So I here I was searching for links that look like the ones on my and so many other blogs - titles of entries and entries organized by date, and I was having no luck finding them. They didn't exist. It took me going to the Archive link and seeing the selections organized by date to understand that the links under the "topics" heading on the main page were to entries from the blog. Previously I had just assumed they were external links.

So while his categorization was set up to make things easy to use, my preconceived notions of how a blog should be got in the way. I have to assume that as time passes and we invent more types of ways to use the internet this will become more of a problem.

A similar problem is occurring on the rollergirls site. They will dump a ton of content on a page and it will scroll forever. Content that could very easily be categorized by date or type and put on separate pages. At first, I thought that the girls updating it were just idiots, but then I realized that, although they know html and how to navigate websites, their paradigm is primarily based in blog updates. In a blog, you would just dump a ton of stuff on one page, and let the blog organize it for you by post. It is an interesting dilemma and one I had never considered until recently.

2006-05-17T13:50:00.001-07:00

Click on picture to enlarge

At Waimea Canyon

Daniel catches big Mahi Mahi

We BBQ big Mahi Mahi at Lydgate State Park

View from Daniel's helicopter ride (I don't have the stomach for that)

Daniel feeds bird out of his hand, Amanda takes one in a million picture of flying bird

Da Plane Da Plane (Wailua Falls, used in the opening of Fantasy Island)

2006-05-17T13:11:00.000-07:00

Aloha

We got back from Hawaii on Monday morning. We had a great time - it wasn't really raining at all and our hotel was like a ghost town due to some remodeling that didn't really bother us at all. The only inconvenience was that the hot tubs were not working. That was sort of a bummer.

Daniel loved it even more than I thought he would. He spent the second half of the week searching the real estate section for something even somewhat affordable. No Go. The cheapest thing we saw on Kauai was a 1 bedroom condo for $350,000. So I don't think we will be moving to the Garden Isle any time soon. He also loved speaking hawaiian, mahalo and aloha-ing all over town. Much to the amusement of many islanders.

We snorkeled some and did a lot of overpriced tourist activities but it was worth it. I bought an waterproof disposable camera and made daniel chase fish around taking their pictures so I can blow them up and put them on our walls at home. We need more art on our walls and as we are both fairly talented and creative, I have decided that we need to get on it. So my first project is to put up these fish pictures (assuming they come out) and do a tribute to tiki in our basement.

Kauai has no tiki bar.

Target wouldn't take my fish film for developing today, apparently their processor is broken. I explained to them that I didn't need it in an hour, that a few days would be fine but they still wouldn't accept it. The guy actually said to me "Our Machine is Monumentally Broken". I was reminded of Say Anything - "So you are monumentally busy". Although this guy didn't look like the say anything type, I can't help but wonder why you would use the word "monumentally" unless inspired by that line. Needless to say if I don't offload this fish film soon, I know it will just sit around forever, I am a film developing disaster.

Which is why digital cameras are so awesome. For being a crappy, free camera, my digital camera really took some good pics on our trip. So instead of going on about the trip, I will just post some photos with captions.

2006-05-17T11:17:00.000-07:00

Twelve downloads WASTED!!!!!!! ....or 30 seconds is not enough time to determine if something SUCKS

To start, I would like to say that if Daniel reads this, he will be displeased. He protects our 90 emusic downloads a month like they are the Mona Lisa. Today I downloaded the new Twilight Singers album Powder Burns because everyone is freaking out about it....

that should have been my first tip off. Secondly, I never liked the Afghan Whigs despite everyone thinking that they were the second coming of christ. They just always sounded posery to me. Which is why I am embarrassed to say that I was actually SURPRISED when this STUPID Twilight singers album sucked equally as hard as any Afghan Whigs album and sounded equally posery. I can find no merit in it what so ever, except that the first 30 seconds of a few songs are musically sound - hence the being duped in the first place. I hate that guy's voice and I hate his insipid lyrics. It was a profound lapse in judgment, I should have known better. 12 downloads essentially flushed down the drain.

To make myself feel better, I used another 11 downloads on the new Black Heart Procession album. 11 downloads not wasted.

Score one for hipster mediocrity and one for Amanda. It was a tie this time but as good always triumphs evil, so shall hipster mediocrity fall.

2006-05-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

A Traitor in Our Midst

Okay, I was just thinking about this a bit more while I was in the bathroom and I am going to cop to it. My first introduction to Information Architecture was in the mid 90s, when the internet was just becoming a viable industry. I worked at a large consulting firm and, although I was hired to be a graphic designer, the particular group that I worked with did mostly IT schematics - mapping out networks, networking solutions, telephony, etc. A co-worker, who was a consultant and is a good friend of mine to this day, wasn't happy with the way I was mapping out his work and came by my desk one day, dropped a stack of books from our in-house library and said "Just something for you to think about" and walked away.

The books were the three, now famous, Tufte books and Information Architects by Richard Saul Wurman. Yes, that stuff seems like old hat now but in 97 and to someone that was only half a designer at best, it seemed pretty radical. I obsessively started to apply the principals of Tufte and Wurman's Access guides to all of my work, taking twice as long on many projects than I should have. Chris (the helpful co-worker that brought me the books in the first place) and I would get into long discussions and arguements about what makes the graphic display of information interesting and easy to understand vs. what makes it "nice" to look at. It was a pretty awesome experience considering that the work I was doing would have been, in theory, the most boring for a graphic designer but ended up being some of my best and what I was most proud of.

So proud, in fact, that I brought a portfolio to my next job interview, when in reality it was completely unnecessary and the woman interviewing me (who became my boss for 7 years) couldn't care less about network diagrams and information architecture if you paid her to. I must have looked a bit stupid because not only did the work not correlate but looked completely boring in comparision to what I was interviewing for. I must have done something right though, because I got the job. Maybe it was the fact that I could have enthusiasm for something that SEEMED so boring. So I took the design job and moved away from all things IA, or so I thought.

Over the course of a few years, I was promoted several times and inherited the design and programming a large and unruly Job Tracking system. I would do beta releases, I would test it on employees for usability and never once did a see a correlation between this and information architecture. To me, this was something completely different. Yes, I wanted to make the application as user friendly as possible but this wasn't about color placement, line choices and clear symbols. It was something completely different and while I may have subconciously applied some of the things I had learned at my previous job, I really saw it as something very different.

To me, usability is not the same as the "visual display of quantative information", what made my database easy to use (or not easy, in some cases) was not the same as what made my diagrams and maps easy to read. Though I am the first to admit there is crossover, to me, usability, whether it is web based or otherwise seems like a completely different animal. So the point of all of this, right or wrong (and there is an entire army of information architects who would be willing to tell me that I am indeed WRONG), is that I just don't feel comfortable with applying the term Information Architect to web design. User Experience Design, sure, Usability, okay, but to me, Information Architecture will always be about graphs, charts and diagrams. I know I would feel different if I had "grown up" in it for the last 8 years but I didn't. So I have a point of view from 97 and I have my work now and I just don't feel that they are the same thing. It is my own bias, I know, but I don't know if I can ever get past it.

2006-05-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

The blog is back....sort of

I wondered if I should just start with a clean slate since I have pretty much left this blog for dead but it is already here and, by that virtue alone, less work than starting from scratch. I did give it a new template though, no special modifications like the last one but that is fine. I don't feel the need to be fancy with a blog that like three people read (or did read when I used to update it) anyway. For some reason, I feel like I have a lot of topics to cover this morning.

Blog

A while back I decided to revamp this blog and devote it to the unappreciated mid-century architecture of Denver. My intent was to take pictures, talk about buildings, where they came from, what they are now etc. but it was too difficult. Denver is NOT a town that seems to appreciate any architecture let alone mid century. I work in a mid century building (it is a group of three and they are both beautiful and hidden, I will bring a camera to work one day and take pictures) and even the building management couldn't tell me who the original architect was. They could only tell me who did the remodel 5 years ago. I am sure if I was willing to dig deep enough and call enough people, I could get these answers but that is harder work than I am prepared to do for a blog that no one reads. I may take some pictures and post them from time to time though. Also, if you ever get a chance, stop and really take a look at the Hooters on Colorado Blvd. It is one of the most awesome displays of mid-century architecture in Denver and easily rivals any Mid-century coffee shop in LA.

Date

Last night my husband took me on a date, totally orchestrated by himself, it was nice and came complete with a little pre-hawaii gift that he found at a hawaiian store on 44th. Of course, when I found out there was a hawaiian store, I just wanted to know if they had Spam Musubi - my hawaiian food obsession. We saw the Betty Page movie last night and despite looking GREAT and being the first time Gretchen Mol's acting didn't send me into a firery rage, the movie was just ok. It was short and there wasn't really much story. I couldn't say I was disappointed because I went in with no expectations but I didn't love it. We saw it at the Esquire in the upstairs theater and the chairs were so uncomfortable in nearly put me in a paralytic state.

Job

We interviewed for another project manager yesterday and I feel good about her. She would be coming to us from another local (and notorious) web design firm and we all feel like if she can succeed there, then she will be fine here. I just want to hire SOMEONE because the sooner we do, the sooner I can move into my new non-project management but yet to be titled role. My boss is calling it an IA (information architect) but I don't really see it that way. I see my job as process improvement of all types, from the usability of a web site to streamlining how one of our clients is taking their web orders and shipping their products.

It is a hole that our company has, up until this point, just been filling sporatically, focusing more on technology and much less on process and product. We have lacked an ability to take the time to really understand what our customer does, how they do it and what we can best do to compliment that. Instead we seem to favor offering them the "cool new thing" without much regard how it will help them. I am not the only person here who sees this as a problem - hence my switching roles. What I can't help but wonder though, is will it really make a difference? Either way, I will be returning to the work I am really good at - analyzing something and figuring out what can be made better (basically, with the exception of some database building, that was my whole last job), but it would be nice if I could help improve the processes of this place as well. It is an old company, as web firms go, though and they are pretty stuck in their ways.

Hawaii

We finally leave for our belated honeymoon on Saturday and I CAN NOT WAIT! Aside from the honeymoon aspect of it, it will be a much needed break from my job and denver. We have probably spent too much money in preparation but that is ok. I don't want to spend my time in hawaii running around looking for things like snorkel gear and underwater cameras. I just want to see sea turtles, fish and the waterfall from Fantasy Island.

2005-10-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

These Days...

The world series is completely irrelevant to me. I don't care that the White Sox won or that it was a sweep or that this is the first chicago world series victory since man discovered fire. It makes no difference to me. However, if they decide to turn it into a movie 5 years from now, I will both see it and then discuss how it was an important moment in american history. Me and baseball movies.

I came into work late today because of two incidents:

1. I couldn't tear myself away from the TV after Harriet Myers withdrawal was announced. All the republican opposition to her actually had me believing that maybe there are conservatives that do care about government. Perhaps they actually do believe that the judicial branch should be autonomous and not in the president's pocket. But then I realized that they probably had some sort of other motive - like maybe this particular nomination would make it more difficult for them to continually oppress everyone that wasn't rich or white. The moment passed. I don't know anything about that Harriet Myers but if GWB loved her so much, I am inclined to hate her. I also love the fact that my dad was insistent that she would be confirmed and she was above reproach. Apparently not.

2. superStar ran into the security door while Monkey was chasing him. He cried a lot and I have never heard superStar cry before. I touched him everywhere to make sure that he wasn't hurt and sat with him until he stopped crying. I think he was just shocked.

I have a million nice pairs of underwear and yet can't find any of them lately. Where did they all go? I have no idea but it is a bit distressing. These underwear aren't cheap.

I am fatter than I have been in months - depressing. Daniel and I are going on a diet tuesday because we don't want to be fatties for the wedding. We are going to kauai for our honeymoon. We will rent kayaks.

I went to the Doctor the other day and I have infections - no wonder I feel like ass all the time. She put me on antibiotics but as of yet, nothing seems to be getting better. I think I need a stronger type of antibiotic. I imagine a little ROBOTIC antibiotic army. They could come in and rape and pillage my infections. I authorize the use of napalm.

2005-10-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

I blinked

I hate denver. I know I always say this after a trip to someplace I love so much better (in this case, Seattle) but I had no doubt once the plane landed and we were greeted by six inches of snow. We are so through with this place. I do love my job but I would be shocked if we were able to stay here for more than two years. Now Daniel wants to wait until we move somewhere else to have kids and I am starting to think that isn't such a bad idea. Though it means I will have to wait that much longer for parent funded trips to Disney theme parks.

Have I mentioned that I hate denver? Most days I can't believe I ever even moved here, though I am glad I did, since I wouldn't have met daniel any other way but really that is the extent of the good reasons. Pretty much everything else has either been bad or gotten worse, though Monkey is good. I know, I know, I am rambling but this city sucks.

In Seattle, I went to a mini high school reunion of all my stoner/punk rock friends that would never show up at a real reunion. Everyone was pretty much the same. I think that by high school your personality is set and although certain experiences may change your outlook and whatnot, you are going to act pretty much the same. Unless you have a head injury, like one of the guys I went to high school with. He can't remember any part of high school anymore. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise. The two people I wanted to see the most didn't show up and that bummed me out but it was fun none the less.

As for the rest of the weekend, there was a lot of food eating and shopping. I got some really cute new shoes that cost more than any shoes I have bought in a very long time. I think that my dad and step mom talked us into going to paris for our honeymoon.

2005-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

Fall TV

Is it just me or does the new tv season pretty much suck ass? Basically we aren't watching anything new, except for My Name is Earl, which, so far, is only playing out as "slightly above mediocre." Other than that, Arrested Development is genius as usual, Daniel is enjoying The Office but it doesn't really make me laugh. Nip/Tuck is great still and the OC, while still entertaining, has become entirely too predictable. See Re: handsome new dean making out with student - I said it first, though not here. I had never really watched Family Guy before I met daniel but that show is really funny - American Dad is not. Simpsons, still good, of course. Gilmore Girls is still well written but with two main characters not on speaking terms, it has really put a black cloud over the show. Here are some thoughts on new shows:

I tried to watch Reunion - blew
If I see one more commerical for Prison Break, I am going to lose it. That is seriously the dumbest idea for a show ever "I am going to go to jail so I can break my brother out" WHAT THE FUCK! I usually don't make blanket statements like this but I am going to do it: If you are even giving this show the time of day, let alone watching it, you are an asshole, seriously. It is because of people like you that the terrorists win.
Supernatural - saw a preview for it, thought about watching it, couldn't bring myself to do it - one WB show is quite enough, thanks.
Daniel thinks that Bones might be good but I can't watch any show with David Boreanaz - he is the devil.
Someone asked me about this Surface show, which I didn't even know about at the time, since then I have seen previews and even watched part of an episode. Uh totally dumb - no thanks.
Apprentice Martha Stewart makes me want to kill. You know what would be a good show? Prison Break: Martha Stewart

Why do a couple good shows about the extrodinary happening in the ordinary world give every last asshole a license to write a show like that?

Anyway, i am glad that I have netflix and many tv shows on DVD to plow through because tv blows.

2005-09-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

oh my god

I just ate some lunch that made me feel terrible - seriously terrible. I want to die now.

Dave - where is your new pornographers blog post?

2005-09-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

This water should be hotter, deeper or something

I was listening to NPR on the way to work today. There was a story about The new Wynn Casino in Vegas bringing in last year's Tony winner, Avenue Q and how, once again, the face of Vegas is changing. I miss vegas, I went from going several times a year to not at all in about 3 years or so. Steve Wynn's voice is very calming and listening to him talk about his hotel, I am sold on a bill of goods that I didn't even know I wanted. Fine art, giant hotel rooms and muppets singing about their BA in English - sign me up.

The highlight of my last few days has been that Monkey has successfully learned to catch a ball in his mouth. This is a major coup for both of us, as it took a great deal more work than you would think. In fact, I didn't even think it could be taught but rather just an innate talent that a dog either possessed or not. I was wrong. After slowly working up from jumping for a stick, monkey can now catch a ball in his mouth with ease. I feel like I have finally accomplished something with my life.

My good friend dave has secured a new job and will finally be out from under the evil thumb of Bowne/Williams Lea. While I am happy for him, it probably means that I won't be convincing he and his wife Ariel to be our neighbors in Denver anytime soon. He will be so much happier at this new job though. Yay dave! Once again, we will be doing very similar jobs. I am also totally happy that he made a special phone call to tell me this good news. Lately I have lamented a lot about friends inability to pick up a phone to relay important information.

Daniel and I rearranged the living room and kitchen this weekend - they look mahvalous! Once we paint, the house will be fantastic. Except for the bed situation. There are currently several problems with our sleeping life:

I am so allergic to the cat now that I can't get through a night without a coughing fit - I think it may be allergies with a smidge of TB thrown in for good measure
Daniel hates the bed - he hates is so much that if it were a person he would punch it in the face and insult it's mother
When I cough daniel, while sleeping, becomes so outraged that he has tried to smother me with his giant hand, bare minimum he says something like "oh my god, drink some water" - so I have taken to sleeping on the couch on occasion. The worst part is that, even while sleeping, when he says "oh my god" he does it in a voice that mimics his exwife.

What this all comes down to is that our cat needs to go hairless and we need a sleepnumber bed - I have started a paypal donation account. So now you can forget about the suffering of the thousands of people that have lost their homes to natural disaster and focus on what is really important - whether or not daniel and I can sleep through the night. I know, I know, our personal tragedy really puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? Tonight go home and give your loved ones an extra kiss and be thankful that you don't have to go through the hell we deal with every day.

(note: I have not really started a paypal account.)

We are going to start having a monthly games party to keep our social skills in check during the cold winter months - that is, if I can get to the bottom of Daniel's singular objection - our crappy fence. I really have no idea what one has to do with the other. So buy a sweater and get ready to drink cocktails and play apples to apples and cranium in our drafty house.

Other than the furniture rearranging, this weekend was kind of a bust - didn't see roll bounce but will see it next weekend. Though I also feel the need to go see this Serenity movie. I didn't really like the tv show but I think it is important to show support.

2005-09-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

News

I don't really have anything exciting to report. The last few weeks have been busy but I am not really sure with what. Most likely domestic things like house cleaning, lawn mowing and the like. Not that this house was ever orderly but it has really become chaotic since daniel moved his stuff in. We are trying hard to straighten it out.

Right now I am drying tomatoes in the oven because sun dried tomatoes are so expensive. It it going well but what the exercise is really teaching me is that sun dried tomatoes aren't that expensive. I paid about $1.50/lb for the romas that I am drying and bought two pounds. I have saved the jar from the last time I bought sun dried tomatoes for comparison purposes. I am guessing that, at best, the ones I am drying will fill up half the jar. The jar cost me $4.29. So maybe this little exercise is fruitless. I guess it would be different if I grew tomatoes or something but I can't even successfully grow grass.

I got my $17 ebay wedding dress - it is cute but the neckline is a little higher than I would like. Mostly I just don't want to think about the wedding at all. I really want to be married but the more I think about it, the more I am hating the idea of having a wedding ceremony in front of people. I was watching some people on tv get married at city hall and I was so jealous. It is a weird thing - I am fine with all the party planning and what not - I would rather just be alone. However, that isn't an option so I have gotten over it and am moving on - or something. Mostly I just think "oh we'll deal with it later" has been my approach to wedding planning lately.

We have spent a great deal of time thinking about how much we want to move back to California. I am loving, seriously loving, my new job - I don't think I have ever had a better one. But it is just barely enough to keep us here. Although we are happy with our life, we are not happy in denver - for various reasons. Mostly for me, I came to denver for a couple very specific reasons and now all those reasons are gone or irrelevant so what is the purpose of staying? Well, for right now, it is just the job. Did I mention that I love it?

The one thing about denver that has been great are the girls. I haven't had this many girl friends since seattle and it is awesome. The thing is guy/girl friendships can be really bogus and volatile and they are subject to all these outside influences that friendships with members of the same sex are not. I hate to say it, but dave and ariel will know what I am talking about, it is really like the When Harry Met Sally phenomenon. The movie is the fictional proof that men and women really have no business being friends. There are of course exceptions and I am sure that someone wants to point out to me that Harry and Sally were in fact friend but they weren't. They got married and basically locked the early message of the movie in. Anyway, girls can be catty and bitchy but typically, the dynamic of the relationship doesn't change. Lately I have really been liking that. Like I may not see the rollergirls or my other girl friends that much but when I do it is still really fun - we talk about the same things and do the same things. With guys, well you just never know, one day you can talk about anything and the next everything has become off limits for some reason. I am not a super girly girl so I have always liked hanging out with guys but lately it has just seemed way to complicated.

So that is about it for me. I haven't called my parents in forever. My mom and my step dad got my sister's birthday wrong by a year and her cake said 22 instead of 23. Typical for them actually. At least she got a cake.

Oh Daniel made me watch some GI Joe episodes and I have to say, they are actually pretty good. They have pretty complex plots for a little cartoon. We have also bought season 1 muppet show and fraggle rock DVDs and they are awesome.

It is very nice today and I am determined to take my dogs on an adventure. They really need it, they have a lot of pent up energy.

2005-09-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Wedding Thoughts

It occurred to me this morning while watching the news, that Katrina has totally derailed our honeymoon roadtrip plans . We are now leaning towards mexico or a cruise, though completely undecided either way. I spent some time this morning, while looking at cruise packages, reflecting on the weddings that I have been to and what I don't want mine to be. While it is my wedding and I wish to enjoy myself, I don't want to do it at the expense of other people. I don't understand why more people don't think like this - I mean, if you asked a large group of people to show up for any other occasion, you would do everything you could to make sure that they had a good time right? Why is this not the case at weddings?

For instance, I have been to more than one wedding where there has been, for lack of a better term, an "audience participation" component. As far as I am concerned, this is some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. I don't want to hold hands with my neighbor, I don't want to recite some sort of bullshit poem or other thing. If I wanted to do those things, I would go to a church. It makes me uncomfortable - not to mention the fact that it is boring as hell - I can't possibly be the only one, right? So if you are reading this and coming to my wedding, rest assured, there will be none of that garbage. I know some of you actually are breathing a sigh of relief as it would bug you as much as me. Here is another thing I promise you - you will never have to stand - you won't stand in a food line and you won't stand to watch me get married. Weddings are full of geriatrics - again, standing is just cruel. Why don't people think about these things? It is baffling.

I mean, I would love to have a roller skating wedding but again, it would be completely inconsiderate to those who can't or won't skate. I can have a fabulous time without it. Why does getting married seem to mean that you can fill any little whimsical desire without having to consider the gagillion people that have given time and money to be there?

Baffling.

2005-08-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of cheese there

Inadvertently reminded by Daniel, I remembered today that I promised to purchase a celebratory Mars Cheese Castle kringle when he moved in. I have done that now.

Update: Liar - I actually was doing it as I was typing this but had to back out of the order when the shipping total said that they could only ship overnight due to a warm weather alert. I was not going to pay $41 to ship a $15 kringle.

2005-08-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Could I be more bored?

I don't think so. I am sitting here watching the hours tick by on my last day of the crappiest job ever. Well, maybe not more crappy than the portable x-ray place but that was a long time ago. Today at the world's crappiest job I have cut wire - that is what I have done with all of my highly valuable job skills - cut wire, with wire cutters. I know you are impressed. You wish you were me.

Or at least you will when I am rocking my jeans and flip flops sitting in my own office with dogs by my side at the new job. I don't think I will actually bring my dogs in, even though I could, as they are always a distraction. I guess I can give more specifics now as I actually have the job - I will be a project manager for a small design company - 12,000 more a year than I am making now (although it is still 26,000 a year less than I was making before) plus there will be a 5-10,000 bump after the first 90 days. I am happy, I no longer feel like a giant failure - so that is a plus.

This weekend we moved most of daniel's stuff in and found cleaver places to put it. I organized closets and purged clothes and it felt good. The house looks halfway decent right now - it needs more work but we will get there. I can't wait until we can paint - that will make me really happy.

We also watched a really good documentary called Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession about cable's first pay channel. You can only get this movie on Netflix so if you don't have Netflix, you are just SOL.

We laughed a lot this weekend - I don't know why but for some reason, everything daniel said was funny to me. We did get in to one ridiculous fight over doors in my house but even that ended up being funny because I was just being a baby. Sometimes I am just stubborn about nothing - it is really stupid.

Amendment to above writings: I just found out I have to stay at this crappy job one more day because they can't get their paperwork crap together - nice.

Last night we went to the final Kickball game for the Denver Boot. The Hell Marys shut out Danny's Angels and it was pretty boring. I spent most of the time wishing the ice cream truck was there, even though my hands were freezing. Halfway through the game, Mike and Beth appeared out of nowhere and hung with us for a while - well, at least Mike did. As he had just returned from the field a day before, that was a pleasant surprise. He was wearing brand new vans and they were so white, I practically had to wear sunglasses to look at them. I will have to shield my eyes from his shoes until he rolls around in the dirt some more. I am sure that they will be sufficiently filthy by the next time I see him as I don't really see much of mike these days - or at least, comparatively.

Due to the tremendous amount of money that I have put on my credit card in the last 4 months, we have enough frequent flyer miles to visit seattle - we will go sometime soon.

2005-08-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

I was so wrong

I got that job

2005-08-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

As I predicted...

Though my mother said she sent a birthday gift, not surprisingly, one did not show up. That is so like her. She intends to buy something and put it in the mail but then something comes up and it never happens - that has been the story of my life for the last 9 years. I knew this year wouldn't be any different.

In other news, my cubicle at work smells like fake watermelon. I don't know why that would be but I am enjoying it. Well, at least I enjoy it until I get too close to my coffee cup and then the combined smell of coffee and watermelon just smells like baby vomit.

Last night, Daniel and I went grocery shopping at Whole Foods and did a really good job of controlling ourselves - the only extravagance being some sushi that we ate for dinner. Everything else was produce, including my favorite heirloom tomatoes.

I interviewed for a job that I really want. Normally I don't talk about job interviews because I am convinced that it will jinx it but since I haven't gotten any of those jobs, I guess that theory is bunk. I am qualified but I don't think I will get it, as I assume that everyone that applied was probably really qualified and I bet others have more direct experience than I do. It would be everything that I would want in a job so I am assuming it is too good to be true.

After whole foods, we watched some season 4 Mr. Show episodes on DVD and had some fun sex - Daniel smelled really good - like cinnamon - not sure why.

2005-08-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

Things become focused through a lens

Last Saturday, I spent the day getting drunk on bloody marys in a dingy hallway over a liquor store with my nearest and dearest rollergirls. What were we doing there? You ask. There is a documentary film being made about the rollergirls and we were there to do our personal interviews. So one by one we filed into an office and spent an hour in front of a camera, while the other five were in the hallway pouring bloody marys and gossiping about boys, rollergirls and Denver in general. When each emerged from the office, there was smeared makeup and tear stains - the interviews went deeper than any of us anticipated.

Not surprisingly, the majority of my interview was spent on my injury and the alienation that I felt afterwards. All the feelings that have been so jumbled for the last 9 months became amazingly clear during that interview. Before the interview, I really just thought it would come out as one big angry mess but that wasn't what happened at all. I even managed to take personal responsibility for my own abandonment of the rollergirls after my accident. Even after I could get around and drive myself, I couldn't watch them skate - it was just too hard - it still is, really, though I deal with it better now.

I was asked if my injury had changed me in anyway, I paused and, for the first time, really thought about that. I answered that, even though I knew that there was a possibility, even high probability, that I would be injured, the injury had taken away my sense of security. Not just in regard to skating but life, in general. And that with that loss of security, went my optimism and that I wasn't sure it would ever return. After I said it, I realized that simple answer explains so much. Some people may see that change as me being depressed but it isn't that really. It is that before I injured my knees, lost my job, got diabetes and every day became a struggle to keep my head above water, I really believed that things would just work out. Now when I say it, I am just paying optimism lip service.

2005-08-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

Strange Magic

I received ELO's greatest hits for my birthday. I wish it was more like def leppards greatest hits where they had the good sense to put all the show stoppers on one of the two discs. If I want to hear evil woman and don't bring me down, I have to change discs. Frustrating - yet still brilliant.

Oddly, none of the ELO collections have any of the Xanadu songs on them. I guess those rights are being held hostage. It doesn't seem like a definative collection without All Over the World though.

Jeff Lynne - you are awesome, if somewhat out of place in the Travelling Wilburys. You make me want to rollerskate!

Lately the typos in my blog have been out of control. I hate the spellchecker and, much like in my job, have no desire to check my work.

2005-08-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Unrelated

Best part about my wedding? I have not, nor will I ever, have to set foot in any place with the word bridal in the title. I would so annoyed if I was having anything conventional at my wedding.

2005-08-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To Me

So it is my birthday today and I predict that it will be a relatively anti-climatic event. There have been great presents from Daniel, if a bit too much considering our current financial state; There have been some unpleasant dealings with a friend, followed by a ridiculous on slaught of e-cards; and perhaps as a nod to my inevitable mortality, there was a dream that I was dead (if you are reading this and your name is mike, try hard not to read anything into it) - In this dream, I was watching the soon to be produced rollergirls documentary and when the credits rolled - there I was, listed as "The Late Precious Moments", in big block letters over a picture of me in a boxing getup. It was just about as cute as a picture of me could be though, despite the boxing gloves and satin robe. Perhaps it is an omen? I predict cancer as it is really the only thing left.

It has been a strange year, with a mix of the best and worst things that have ever happened to me. If I could have one birthday wish, it would be to get out of this soul sucking job, where every day I get deeper and deeper in debt and am made to feel like a idiot child barely capable of filling out my own timesheet (yes, I have a timesheet - laugh away). Recently, I was accused of being depressed and despondent, to which I say - wouldn't you be if your job was bullshit, paid half of what you used to make and required absolutely no brain cells? Anyway, my ass looks totally good in these pants, which I would have never bought if I didn't have to wear different clothes to work - so that's an upside.

In a complete role reversal, my mother sent me an e-card and claims that a gift is on the way (though I will believe it when I see it - it will be my first birthday gift from my mother since I left seattle 9 years ago) and my father completely forgot about my birthday when he was IMing me (probably because his wife wasn't up yet to remind him). To this day, if you ask my dad what year I was born, he will tell you 1977 - why? I don't really know.

I took some other things out here, as I don't want to be a downer on my birthday. Mostly it was just me, yet again, asking the question: "Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same"

Tonight, I will go to lakeside, ride some rides and enjoy the lights. As a present to myself, I put the $400 repair for the dryer on my credit card so I will try to do some laundry too - as my house is currently buried in it.

2005-07-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

How many pigs had to die for this crepe?

I am eating a ham and cheese crepe from the creperie on 16th and lawrence. It is ridiculously full of ham. I swear there is a pound of ham in here - I shit you not. I am so full and I have only had like a third of it. Quite a value at about 4 bucks. Due to it's mammoth like size, I have taken to ripping into it with my fingers like some sort of Neanderthal. Not attractive.

2005-07-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimos...

I love LA was playing on the radio as I drove to work this morning. It made me inexplicably happy but then I walked in the door to work and the happiness subsided. I may love LA (and Randy Newman) but I hate my J-O-B.

I have designed my wedding invitations and, I must say, they are stunning, despite the fact that I didn't get the exact font that I wanted. If anyone has this font:

Please let me know - I don't want to buy it because it was bundled with a bunch of fonts that I don't need or want. I found a relatively close substitute but I would prefer this one.

Last weekend, I traveled with Daniel to Wisconsin and other parts north east. Although we did a ton of driving, it was a really good time. I came back obsessed with both the Wisconsin Dells and a stuffed Tarful from Burger King. He was a very good road companion. Well...so was Daniel. In fact, I am amazed that I could get a long with anyone so well driving about 2500 miles in less than 80 hours.

Plus there was some other stickiness that I thought would complicate things but didn't - we had to pick some dishes up from Daniel's parent's house to return to his ex. The way she was carrying on, I assumed we were talking about some sort of Tiffany China and Crystal. When we got up there, it was nothing but cheap crate and barrel every day shit. I was both pissed and mortified that someone would act so high and mighty about $6 plates. I spent the whole weekend thinking about how trashy someone must be to think that is good shit. Here is the thing about having class - when you actually have it, you don't have to make an effort to let people know that you are classy. They can just tell. Suffice it to say, I could not tell by her Z gallerie repro glasses and plastic glitter plates.

We went to a great Tiki Bar in chicago, the second best I have ever been to. Which is saying a lot because I am from CA, I know good Tiki. Daniel and I drank a drink out of the same bowl, already humorous enough, it was compounded by the fact that they gave us 2 foot long straws. It was awesome.

This weekend Daniel is djing Way Beyond Thunderdome at Andenken. It will be awesome. Though he was too much of a pussy to fight me in the thunderdome, so I will just be watching.

2005-07-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

I love Montage-a-google

2005-07-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

Dream Killer

I found this dress on eBay that I would totally love to get married in (or to if I was marrying a dress instead of daniel) but it isn't the right size - I could have one just like it made though - it isn't complicated:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8317428643&category=48868&rd=1

The only problem is, that I would be killing my mother's dream of my dress being made out of her wedding dress. I can't actually wear her dress because she is 5'7" and weighed about 100 lbs (anorexic) when she got married. It was her one request that I make mine out of hers though. So for a brief moment I was wrapped up in the idea of a real wedding dress using this very wedding-y fabric. I don't know what I was thinking, as that is so not me, but this pink dress - well, it couldn't be more me. There will probably be some sort of compromise involving the fabric and a more understated retro style but it won't be this pink dress.

It is a dilemma.

I want daniel to get a baby blue tux. Which would make this dress even more perfect.

2005-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

Most annoying thing in the corporate world

When people use the term "reach out to ..." when they are talking about contacting someone. Are you performing an exorcism? Does the person have cancer? Why can't you just say you are going to call them? I hate it.

2005-07-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

The jewelry industry and I are about to rumble

I am so sick of looking at butt ugly wedding rings. I could puke. Although unconventional, I don't think what i want is too complicated:

Art Deco filigree style
Platinum
Pink center stone
some little diamonds.

Under $1500

I don't think I am asking for too much here but maybe I am. I figure I am going to be wearing this thing for the rest of my life, much like the guy, so I better get exactly what I want. What is really funny is that every time I find something that I think I like it is either over $5000 or under $100. I am not sure what that says about me.

2005-07-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Book Update

I finished Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live. It was excellent though less about rock and roll deaths and more about his own woman drama. I have now moved on to Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation, which I am not liking quite as much. I would say that it is her weakest book to date. But I am not finished yet so maybe it will make a comeback.

Mood Update

I can't stop being grumpy and pissed about something that I have no control over. Sometimes I just don't get people. I guess I just expect the people I choose to have around me to be more or less like me and are utterly baffled when they aren't.

2005-07-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

Weekend Recap

Friday night Daniel and I went to see Dark Water. I am still debating whether or not I would recommend it. Plot: total shit, these Japanese remakes all basically have the same plot - dead kid, woman in peril. But who ever wrote the english adaptation has some really good dialogue skills, there were some funny ass lines in that movie, mostly coming from John C. Reilly - who was totally brilliant. So I guess i would say: Dark Water - wait for video.

Saturday was great. Woke up early but wasn't grumpy about it. Let out lots of dogs so they could pee, both my own and others. Went to a Breakfast BBQ that has some drama, but overall was very nice. There was actually two different drama points, one where I looked like an asshole for not knowing anything (through no fault of my own) and one where daniel looked like an asshole for being in a heated telephone discussion (through no fault of his own, unless you count dialing). So we came out even.

Though it did leave me a little grumpy for the rest of the weekend (I had typed some other stuff here but I have taken it out, I don't like my blog to warehouse my insecurities about other people).

After the BBQ we went home and moped for a bit and then I went to Bladium for the bout dress rehearsal. It was great! I predict that I am going to kick ass at the play by play even though I am very nervous about it. Talked to the documentarian Frank for a while and he made me even more nervous by pointing out that it was solely my job to keep the crowd interested in the bout. I got off some hot one liners while testing the mic and discovered that there are no tickets that I can sell personally, so if I said that I was going to have tickets for you to buy - please go to twist and shout to purchase. Or you can get them at the door but they will be two dollars more.

Best part of the weekend: While I was at bladium, Daniel cleaned my whole house. It was, seriously, the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I was really surprised and it was such a relief as my house has been a major stress point lately.

Saturday night we ate dinner at Patsy's (I'd give the dinner a 7 out of 10) and went to the Bug to see Demon of the Derby: The Ann Calvello story. It was great and I cried a little. Then it was so nice out that we walked to the street fair that the church a block down from my house was having. Daniel got a snowcone and I ate some contraband cotton candy.

Fell asleep watching season six Buffy, which Daniel is totally into now.

Sunday I went roller skating for the first time since my accident. It was great even though I was really scared of falling. Skillwise I was at about the same level as when I fell. Speed and endurance wise, I need a lot of work. I went to the skate city in Littleton, their floor is very nice. It felt so great to be skating again and I did exactly as well as I wanted to. I think I might have to skate with both braces on next time though as I think I will be less likely to be afraid of falling then.

Spent the rest of the day lazing around the hot hot house with the dogs while Daniel and his kick ball team, the Hot Licks, scored a mighty victory against the previously undefeated Hessian Nation.

I tried to watch The Day After but fell asleep about 30 minutes in.

2005-07-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

Finally

The brawl that will start it all!

The Rocky Mountain Rollergirls FIRST EXPO BOUT!!!

Saturday, July 16, 2005
Doors @ 6pm
Bout @ 7pm!
All Ages

$10 advance sales
$12 day of at the door

Bladium Sports Center
8797 Montview Blvd
Denver, CO 80220
303-320-3033

The Sugar Kill Gang

vs.

The Red Ridin' Hoods

The Host with the Most Boast - Sid Pink

Rock out to the tunes of Gina Go Faster during half-time!

Play-by-play by Precious Moments

Music to skate by provided by Kamakaz-E

Be there for all of the action: girl-fights, fishnets, killer athletes, rollerskates, tattoos - all in all, some of the finest entertainment around!

Tickets on Sale July 2nd at:

Twist & Shout
300 E Alameda Ave
Denver
303-722-1943

Roll-O-Rama Skate Center
8370 York
Thornton
303-288-0502

After party:

Climax Lounge
2217 Welton Street
Denver, CO 80205

Saturday, July 16th
10pm - 2am
21 and over w/ ID

Free w/ ticket stub from the bout

$3 for one or $5 for two w/o ticket stub

We'll be dancin' the night away by music spun by
SixTwentySix and DJ.EXE

The bodacious babes of Ooh La La Presents have 4
fabulous burlesque routines lined up
and
Amy Grenade of Women of Fear is making a special
appearance to tantalize us one and all!

2005-06-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

My ass looks totally hot in this skirt

Actually I think it is a skirt boots combo but either way. Sometimes I wish daniel would give my ass more compliments as I am obviously insecure about it. Hence the talking it up so much.

In other news, got very excited today when I found old high school friends on my space. I wouldn't actually like to speak to many people from my high school days but two of the people I discovered in my browsing I was very happy to find. Happy in that "oh good, they aren't dead or in jail" way. Ultimately we were good kids but we were always teetering on the edge of criminal intentions. Anyway, I myspace friended them but then later remembered that my name isn't even my name on my space - I just have my skate name, so we will see how that goes.

I am so down on Denver right now - I would even move back to seattle. Okay, maybe not that down on it. I do wish it had some water though - this bitch is dry. By bitch I mean both the city and me.

Oh - I am bloggy today. Going to San Francisco tomorrow! It will be soooo nice to be home, I can't wait until I get to move back. If anyone wants anything (lusty lady keepsakes perhaps?), email me.

2005-06-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

Why do my posts sometimes so up in grey instead of black? i don't know

2005-06-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Mike,

Why don't you like Chuck Klosterman? It makes me so mad!!!! There I am, enjoying my new book and I think "Mike would totally love this book. I should loan it to him when I am done." Except, you won't love the book. I find this very frustrating because everything suggests that you should like it. You say that you don't like his writing style. Huh? He writes just like everyone else we read and about music, none the less. He is certainly a better writer than that Michael Azerrad, yet you seem to have no complaints about him. It is like saying you like Tastee Freeze but not Dairy Queen - come on.

I think there is something else going on here. Was it the Billy Joel essay? Are you that much of a Billy Joel hater that you will hold it against this writer for the rest of his life? I think you might be. Or perhaps it is because he freely admits that he would fuck pamela anderson. I think we need to get to the bottom of this hatred because it is severely impacting your literary options. Who are you going to write off next? Sarah Vowell because she enjoys Buffy the Vampire Slayer a little too much? No, you find her nasally five year old voice too sexy to write her off. Which brings me to my next point...

What does your girlfriend think of all this Chuck Klosterman hating? Is she somehow responsible for this? Unless she is a Chuck Klosterman hater herself (which would explain all of this ridiculousness), I can't see how she would feel good about you being so closed off to an obviously awesome writer. Isn't your awesome literary taste one of the charms in this relationship? Write off a few more like you did Chuck and you may find yourself in some hot water, my friend.

I want answers! Now! Your misplaced hatred of Chuck Klosterman is severely offending my sensibilities.

Give it up for Chuck! He is the fucking greatest!

Greatest contemporary rock writer with woman trouble, that is.

Best Regards, Amanda

2005-06-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

One more thing

While Daniel and I were lazing around for a good part of yesterday, my friend Ariel was busting her ass in the Coeur D'Alene Ironman Triathalon. Not a half Ironman, mind you, but the full meal deal. Finishing the 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and 26.2 run in just under 14.5 hours, she is without a doubt the toughest chick I know.

Actually despite the deceptively geeky exterior, Ariel and her husband Dave are total badasses - you do not want to mess with them.

As a reward, she and dave will now enjoy a leisurely vacation drive back to SF, stopping off at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. While the Shakespeare festival is always a great time, no doubt the highlight of their trip will be returning to SF where they will get to see ME!

Congratulations Ariel - way to be!

2005-06-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Insert witty title here

It has been about forever and a day since I updated this thing. I apologize to the one person that hasn't heard my news via phone. I just haven't felt like I have had much to say lately but now I feel like I have some things so I will just jump in:

If I wasn't going to marry Daniel, my next choice would be Tom Cruise. I am totally in love with him right now. He so crazy! I spend every day waiting for my Salon gossip to come in so I can see what wacky thing he has done now. Today, Salon is prominently featuring him on the main page in what I was sure was a doctored picture but is not. It is like he is becoming his own scientologist version of TJ Mackey. They are doing a four part indepth examination on his scientology. Newsworthy indeed!

Daniel wants us to become scientologists. He believes that all kinds of personal riches and rewards are just waiting for us to cast off our collected Thetans. I am not sure I agree though I am charmed by the idea that it is the one religion that has the balls to be unapologetically kooky. I mean, really how do we know that the Galactic overlord Xenu is any more or less real or absurd than Jesus being the son of god? Plus, Beck is a scientologist. If it's good enough for Beck...

Recently I bought the new Nick Hornby and Chuck Klosterman books. I seem to have no time to read either. I will report back once I have actually read one. I have no money for books yet I bought them anyway.

My house is officially more messy than it has ever been before. Please do not come over, you will be sorry. I keep trying to clean but my plans keep getting derailed by immense laziness or ....well, more immense laziness.

This weekend was Daniel's birthday, we did lots of fun stuff. Though some wasn't that fun for me but I just had to suffer through because I am such an awesome girlfriend like that. Friday we went to what can only be described as "the worst bar I have ever been to" which, if you knew me, would be saying a lot. I was tempted not mention it at all for fear that it would ruin my street cred but I have none and want to rag on it so here we go. Daniel wished to go to the opening of the Centennial Illegal Pete's. I think he was mostly charmed by the idea that Magic Cyclops was DJing in his town of residence.

I didn't want to go to a suburban bar, protesting loudly but birthday weekend privileges were invoked and I lost. If that fact that it is a bar in a strip mall across the street from a normal mall doesn't not recommend it enough. Then the 40 somethings in dockers, fake polo shirts and baseball hats, who think that jumping up and down playing air guitar is a form of dancing, should be enough to put it over the top. Thanks to MC, the music was tolerable and his mockery of the clientele was funny as hell but it was really the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. Especially when a 40+ woman in head to toe orange was trying to get us to dance. A few more drinks and I am sure that she was probably assaulting people when they refused her. I wouldn't know because we left about an hour after arriving. There is no amount of drinks in the world to make that bar acceptable.

Saturday was fun and mellow shopped, BBQ'd, hung out with Charlie, Kate and Tom at PS Lounge, watched porn and had hot sex (no thanks to completely boring porn).

Sunday we traveled to Greeley for the Demolition Derby - good times and yummy fair food were had but it was the longest demolition derby in the world so we had to bail before it was over - had we toughed it out until the end it probably would have been 6-7 hours of Demo Derby. No thanks, 4 was quite enough. Highlights include a minor fire, a car painted like spongebob and a guy getting hurt and cut out of the car. We aren't quite sure what happened to him as we decided to go while they were freeing him. It was a little bit of a fun killer when his crying girlfriend was standing right next to us and the ambulance had to be pulled in so we decided to call it a day. Afterwards, we went to FoCo for the Captured by Robots show. The last time we saw them (him) they were ass but Daniel wanted to give it another shot. I was sincerely hoping for his sake and mine that they would be better this time but they were not. It was ass and we left early but at least we didn't have to pay because who was loitering outside when we got there? None other than the one bright spot from friday, our future wedding DJ, Magic Cyclops. He was gracious enough to guest list us - bad for the club as there was almost no one there. i am sure that place lost buckets of money that night.

Ok that is it for now - I'll try not to be such a stranger.

2005-06-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

Is it too much or not enough?

http://www.freekatie.net/

I am totally broke but if someone wants to buy me one of these, I am not opposed to it.

2005-06-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

What's left?

So this weekend Daniel and I went to Vail to see the Arizona Roller Derby skate at the Teva Mountain Games. They looked so slow and were blocking for shit. I was making quite a fuss until I remembered that they were skating 10,000 feet above normal. The weather was horrible and we ate dinner at a restaurant where, despite all entrees being half off, the food was grossly overpriced. As we ate dinner I thought about how cute daniel was a lot and then he said some nice things that are none of your business at this juncture. I love him so much.

Right now I am watching Twin Falls Idaho, one of my favorite movies. It is a situation that I can't relate to on any level, yet the movie feels so familiar. It also makes me wish I had a pink and black western shirt.

Today I got the okay to take my leg brace off during the day. The left one, the right one came off a month ago. It feels so great so have my normal legs back. You have no idea how weird skirts look with a big black brace sticking out of them. It makes shopping for skirts difficult. If I hadn't been totally broke I would have bought some sexy new panties at victoria's secret to go along with my legs but sadly, there is no cash for things like that.

Monkey is a total superStar (ha!) at his obedience class. I always knew he was smart, if somewhat misguided.

I know this post is a little scattered and not at all entertaining but I am tired and merely updating out of some sort of guilty obligation.

Saw Neko Case and Stereo Total last week, both shows were fabulous.

2005-05-27T19:09:00.000-07:00

Get my beautiful On

For the first time in a long while I am going out alone tonight and actually looking forward to it. Lately I seem to just throw on the first thing I can find to wear and never even bother to put on makeup. Not tonight, I am going to go all out. Why? Because being pretty is fun. Also I have decided to take the Dart and I don't want my car to show me up. I guess I better get a move on because I have to get there while there is still decent parking. I have a hard enough time with parallel parking - take away the power steering and I am really fucked.

Evan - Have a good time at the go-gos. Hopefully you will have a safe comfy place to sit

2005-05-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

It is ridiculous...

How sexy I look driving around my Dart. I had almost forgotten. I don't want to sell it.

2005-05-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

The visual pizzazz of a text file combined with the deep insight of a 90 second cable segment

Lately I have been kind of cold on the daily show, but the one I am watching right now at 12:47 in the morning has me doubled over with laughter talking about cable news networks reporting on blogs. "When I want hard hitting news, I turn to CNN, who turns to Skippy the Bush Kangaroo." I am disturbed by the fact that Skippy and I use the same template - I might need to change.

It is hilarious - which is good because I could use a little laughter right now. I have just learned a valuable lesson. When your boyfriend doesn't update his blog in a timely fashion (see the humor was very appropriate) and you decide to go into his calendar and read old posts - don't do it. Nothing good can come of reading about other times and other loves. Comparison is a bitch.

Daily Show is fucking funny and, once again, Jon Stewart is fucking hot despite his unbelievable shortness. I heart you, Jon Stewart!

2005-05-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

One more time before the long weekend. A happy post to celebrate 4 days off

Things I love:

SF and LA
superStar and Monkey
Suprisingly, this ring, even though I am so not about jewelry
Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter, even though I can't eat it anymore
Cotton Candy
Sephora
Ikea
Art Deco
my grey pants
my hair
the ocean
Sonics
Steve Turner
My iPod
Wooden Rollercoasters
Disneyland and Disneyworld
Boats
Movies
and, of course, this guy

2005-05-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

Deluded egomaniac or...Deluded egomaniac?

Last night, Daniel and I watched Overnight, a documentary about The Boondock Saints writer/director Troy Duffy. What? Who? you say. I haven't seen the actual movie so I can't really speak to it's quality (Daniel seemed to have lukewarm feelings about it - he knows quality films - most of the time) but I can definitely speak to the quality of its director. He has none. I have never in my life seen someone so full of themselves as this guy is. I will sum it up for you:
LA bartender writes script,
LA bartender kisses some celebrities asses to have script read,
Miramax buys script and budgets film at $15 million letting the bartender direct,
Bartender shoots his mouth off all over town "they have never seen anything like me" "I have the goods" "I am the real deal"
Pumps his mediocre band full of shit about how they will be signed sight unseen
Miramax opts out of movie
Maverick opts out of band
Guy continues to shoot his mouth off about how he is the greatest thing the world has ever seen.
Movie and album come out and both suck ass and make no money.

It was brilliant. I wish I could more effectively quote all of his genius words but I don't have the ability to retain that sort of thing like daniel does.

2005-05-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

Send out the healing vibes

I was catching up on my blog reading today, I don't read many blogs and two of the ones I do read have not bothered to update in quite some time (looking at you, Daniel and Dave) when I discovered that my friend in blogginess only, Evan, has decided to yet again give back to the medical community. By giving back, I, of course, mean his hard earned dollars (don't you sometimes wish we lived in Canada?) to fix yet another war wound.

Evan, we may never meet (though I have often thought it would be funny if we lived on the same street or something) but we will forever be bonded by our continual need for medical attention.

You can read about Evan's new injury here: http://leelikesbikes.com/Evan/

You can read Evan's blog by visiting my sidebar.

2005-05-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you? Random Thoughts

I haven't updated in so long. I wish I could say that was because my life has gotten fabulously busy or because I found a new job or anything exciting like that. I can't. Sadly I haven't updated because I have become so lazy that even this seems like work. Or maybe I just don't have anything interesting to say - nope, that can't be it.

The weather was so great last weekend, I spent almost all of it outside. On Saturday Daniel, the dogs and I went to Garden of the Gods, where the dogs were provided with nothing but the best in bottled water to quench their insatiable thirst. Then we played the most fabulous skeeball in Manitou Springs. I could die in that arcade. I will probably end up dying somewhere less fabulous though.

Last week I bought these fabulous black shoes. They don't look like shoes I would normally wear but I think they make my feet look terrific. They are black and would come to a very extreme point at the toes if it wasn't for the fact that the toes are squared off. They were only $15 at Ross - a remarkable value.

I will paint my bathroom green this weekend and clean up my yard. My job may totally suck but there is something to be said for the 4 day weekend - yes, please. I agreed to watch a dog's friend not knowing that it would be for the weekend and then some. One would assume that when someone says that they are going away for the weekend, that would imply Friday - Monday, right? Well apparently to some people it means the following Wednesday. Oh well, I guess it is my own fault for not asking first.

It occurred to me just now that I haven't even updated the bloggy people on my trip to LA with Daniel. As was expected, the left coast made quite an impression on my adorable boyfriend. That California has very seductive ways. It was a great weekend - we drove around a lot, shopped at the Hustler store way too much and hung out with Erin, Koji and little Emerson (who is the cutest baby in the world). I was really sad to leave and fully realized for the first time exactly how much of a California girl I am. I have decided to go back eventually, probably sometime within the next two years.

Speaking of the Hustler store, I had to buy a new rubber ducky waterproof vibrator (color: black - the package actually says "once you go black, you never go back"). It felt frivolous to get a replacement vibrator but Daniel talked me into it (I wasn't a hard sell though). My friend Kate inquired how exactly one loses a vibrator. Sadly, I have lost several. I lost a bunch (always prone to exaggeration - I think it was actually 2 which probably doesn't qualify as "a bunch) when I had girl roommates in San Jose - perhaps there was some sharing policy in effect that I wasn't aware of. Then I lost one (my favorite Rabbit) to the dog, apparently there is a lot of chew toy similarity (gross, I know) and then the duck I lost in one of my Denver moves - I hope some small child didn't find it and mistake it for a toy.

I still hate this crap job and spend most of my time thinking about how I feel like a failure. If it wasn't for my awesome boyfriend, mind distracting sex and how cute my dogs have been lately (by lately I mean the last week, before then monkey was being a holy terror - he and superStar broke into the fridge and ate 4 lbs of meat and destroyed my couch), I would probably be really depressed.

I am selling my '64 dodge dart. If you want one, let me know.

2005-05-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

Blinded by the Light

Incidentally, it is "rev'd up like a deuce, another runner in the night" so don't tell me otherwise. I was supposed to hang out with Mike tonight, which would have been kind of nice. I really miss him in a "we still see each other a fair amount but it isn't the same way". Anyway, he needed some alone time, which once he said it, I also thought that I needed some. Though, knowing that we are almost the same person, i suspect his evening probably won't end up being so alone as that is how mine almost went. Though as it stands tonight, I am alone and that has turned out to be a great thing. I feel like I don't have any quiet time these days really.

My eyesight is all fucked up again which is both painful and scary. Although I know it will return to normal eventually, I can't help but worry that this may turn into a regular thing. The headaches that I get from everything being blurry are killer. However, vicodin works nicely at dulling the pain. I am so tired of being sick but I am even more tired of how big a whiner it makes me. I honestly just don't understand why my life has to be so hard right now.

The dogs are very restless but the weather is so ass and I feel so crappy that I am just in no mood to take them on a walk. Though I need to clean my house and pack for my weekend LA trip with Daniel so I better get my act together on some level.

No really good work stories or gripes the last couple of days, just same old, same old.

Okay, I guess I will go now - I have to fast for the rest of the night for another exciting blood test tomorrow.

2005-05-06T14:20:00.000-07:00

Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same?

Every time I go back to Seattle I repeatedly ask these questions. Although isolated, I had so much fun in seattle as a kid. Things were different and unique. In the late 70s, early 80s, Seattle was crippled economically, which actually made for the best place to grow up in - it was a constant. Nothing ever changed - rarely were things built or torn down. In the 90s that all started to change and every time I go back, the town seems less like the place I where grew up.

I have been thinking a lot today about Seattle Center, non seattlites will know it as the location of the Space Needle. Seattlites my age will know it best as the site of school field trips (Pacific Science Center and Fun Forest), concerts (the awesome Bumbershoot festival - Rock! Arena, and giant shows at the coliseum - now Key Arena) and the snackapalooza that is the Center House (or Food Circus as locals call it).

The Seattle Center was the home of the 1962 world's fair (for viewing see It Happened at the World's Fair starring Elvis and a little chinese girl), for which most of the buildings were constructed. For years after, not much changed - things were painted, sponsorship logos removed but even in the 80s you could still feel the ghosts of the fair. So much so that I get de ja vu when I see footage and it was 14 years before my birth! The best relic of the fair was the "bubbleator". A globe shaped clear elevator that moved people from the 1st to the 2nd floor of the Food Circus. By the late 80s the bubbleator was in total disrepair and instead of fixing it the city decided to get rid of it. I have often wondered what happened to it and after some searching on google, now I know:

Bubbleator Then:

Bubbleator Now:

It just makes me kind of sad - so I say again - Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same?

2005-05-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

Found!!!! (pictures for your amusement)

Found! in the work clipart under Business and Occupations (no, I am not kidding)

Found! in my email inbox because finding pictures like this is how other non-working coworkers kill time (that is one big cat)

2005-05-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Wear that sweater - uh, I don't think so

Okay - let's call a spade a spade here. As long as daniel doesn't have frequent regular access to email at his job this blog is going to turn into an all day work bitch session. Not that I really bitch about work that much in my emails to Daniel, it is just that they took up a lot of my otherwise not busy day. Since I am sure that most of you don't want to hear about my myriad of financial troubles or my feelings about the sex I had last night or will have tonight - this is what you get - work bitching. I hope you like it:

There is an "office sweater" for the creative services department. What is an "office sweater" you ask? It is one black stockinette stitch sweater that just sits in the office waiting for someone to get cold. I don't even want to think about how many people have worn this sweater over the years (it looks like it is from 1985 and may very well be), it makes my stomach turn. Everytime I make the slightest mention of it being chilly in the office, I immediately get "do you want to use the sweater?" No, I don't want to use the sweater - the mere suggestion makes me want to hurl.

2005-05-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Please lord, make the pain stop

On play two cubes in front of me: Crusin' - the Gwyneth Paltrow, Huey Lewis version from Duets.

2005-05-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

Fuck your fucking herbal supplements

I came into work today and discovered a manila envelope sitting on my chair. I haven't opened it yet because I am afraid that if I break the seal, I'll become a scientologist. I have been informed by my cube neighbor that it is information from her regarding a "herbal supplement that changes your body chemistry on a cellular level"

Are you kidding me with this shit?

She went on to say that it is full of nutrients that our body needs that haven't been around for hundreds of years (I am sure at this point my eyes had fully rolled back into my head). If our body needs them so bad, why aren't we dead? Riddle me that, batman!

Seriously though, here is what I want to know - why isn't this kind of shit considered harassment? This person also spends all day trying to tell me what to eat (is she diabetic - no but she is on the fat flush diet so she considers herself some sort of nutritional authority). There should really be some sort of workplace policy about this sort of thing.

In other news - one week until I am back in sunny LA for a little mini vacation with Daniel. I am excited to see little Emerson again (as well as Erin and Koji). I also wish I could find my friend gloria's phone number so I can go with her to the crazy asian jazz bar but I think I lost it in one of my many moves. Mostly I am excited because Daniel has never been to LA (or to CA or to the west coast, for that matter) and I love showing off my beautiful west coast. I will go home eventually.

2005-05-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

Today's Rant

Do not talk to me with your mouth full! It is disgusting. What is with the people in this place? Also, I don't want to hear about your herbal supplements that will "cure" my diabetes. Just shut up.

Side Note

Evan - what is wrong with your comments section? I have things to say about your shuffle.

2005-05-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day - is that some sort of record?

My head is killing me. I have been the mistress of chronic headaches lately. I thought it was lack of caffeine related but I have had plenty of that today. Maybe I just have a headache because I suck. Normally I would think that I am awesome but my head just hurts too much to psyche myself up.

I am tremendously bored again, though I am technically "working". What am I doing? You ask. Color double side printing booklets that I designed for a work event tomorrow night. They are very boring and have 52 of the most disturbing headshots I have ever seen. At 15 pages a minute - slow as molasses - I swear these things will never get done. I think 15 is a generous estimate.

We had to go to a lunchtime meeting where I was given free lunch (the one day I remember to bring one). It wouldn't have been the worst meeting in the world except that I got extremely pissed off and bitter watching women twice my age and weight shovel desserts in their fat faces while I couldn't touch mine. I wanted to jump up and scream midmeeting - "It isn't fucking fair! You guys are total fat slobs! Why don't you have diabetes?" I didn't say anything but it did make me physically ill watching them eat. This job is totally getting me down.

So if you want a one sentence status update on my life: I feel like a failure and would kill my own mother for some chocolate.

2005-05-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Sarah Vowell, You Make Me So Angry

1. You are going to every city but Denver on your book tour. You can drag your ass to Madison and Boise but not Denver. Did you just decide to bypass the second tier and go straight to the third tier cities? Where's the logic in that?

2. According to Amazon, your new book is not available for pickup at my local Borders. Yes, I realize Borders is ass but I am broke and have a gift card. No, I can not drive to another Borders, I am conserving gas.

3. Men find your squeaky voice endearing and, dare I say it, sexy. I completely lack any sort of talent for turning a physical drawback into an attribute. Not only am I angry but I am jealous of you. Even Conan O'Brien is your bitch.

2005-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Bored Beyond Belief

Have you noticed that I rarely write anything here anymore? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I no longer work at home (maybe it has everything to do with that). Well today I am going to lay it all out for you as I have nothing better to do. Normally I would be emailing back and forth with Daniel about some nonsense. As he has no internet today, instead I am sitting at work with nothing to do but apply for other jobs and think about how I desperately want a haircut (and color) and some new jeans that don't fall off my ass.

Diabetes Upside: When your blood sugar is out of control, your body can't process the food you eat so it burns up your fat reserves. Basically it is like starving but you can eat all day. I now weigh less than I have since I lived with Adam - shit that was a long time ago. How did I get so fat? Especially with a guy who weighs (or maybe weighed, who can say now?) 125 pounds.

Diabetes Downside: I don't have any money for new jeans that don't fall off my ass.

Actually, I don't have money for anything, even the parking lot I park at every day because I can't get my act in gear early enough to take the bus. I am living in serious denial about my financial situation - it is going to have to stop.

For the last couple of days I have been a really crabby baby. I think the reality of the diabetes thing has really set in and it is messing with my head in a big way. It was one of those weekends where all of my pet peeves were just sending me right over the edge. Normally, no matter how much something bothers me, I can overlook it in the people I love. This weekend wasn't one of those times. Tables manners, bad grammar, telling me how to solve my problems, kickball religious chants, too many clothing layers (yes, I realize it was very cold out) - it was all making me fucking crazy.

I am pretty much over all of it now as even in the midst of my annoyance, I am pretty good at stepping back and seeing how unreasonable I am being. Though I will say these two things - 1. Why do people think that having good table manners is about how they should or shouldn't be acting? Like it is pretentious or something. Why don't people realize that good table manners are about other people not having to look at the bad table manners. Enough said - it really isn't that big a deal. 2. Here's a little secret (secret no more) I hate food noises - like the noises people make when they eat. It isn't specific to anyone or a particular eating style - I hate even the quietest swallow. Normally I can just deal but when I am crabby - it is like fingernails on a blackboard.

Now you see it - Now you don't. This post was twice as long before but I reread it and decided that it was too crabby and paranoid. I don't want to be one of those blogger types.

2005-04-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Such a bad girl

I am sitting in my work orientation in LA right now. I shouldn't be writing anything but since I was supposed to go to this my first two days of work but instead ended up doing it on my 24 and 25th days of work, I know already know everything that they are telling us.

I miss California so much right now - Denver just feels totally tainted to me. As I told mike the other day - Denver broke my knees and gave me diabetes - it's a real thug. LA is warm, sunny and relatively smog free. The buildings sparkle in the sun and I have found the traffic kind of charming. I know I am being too kind to LA but I love it on this trip like I never have before.

I am staying on the concierge floor of the Wilshire Grand. My hotel room is big but could be nicer - it's no hyatt. It is a junior suite with a king bed. I love king beds but it feels pretty empty all by myself. I am used to two people in a full size.

Daniel is watching the dogs and of course they kept him up all night. I feel so bad and I know I need to find time to work with the dogs more. They need a lot more of my time than I have been giving them.

My blood sugar was totally fucked this morning - highest it has been. I think it was because I was taking a little break from diabetes over the last few days. I am over that now - I am all about being healthy and getting that awesome boyfriend of mine healthier too. I worry about his penchant for fast food a lot. That shit is a killer.

The other night I was at Peter and Kirsten's reception and went on a little rant how unfair it is that I end up with diabetes while my obese mother can eat whole boxes of crackers every day. I know, I know - life isn't fair but it just seems like I am really getting dumped on lately. I am trying to stay upbeat but it is starting to get my down. How did I get here?

2005-04-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

When will this bad luck streak end? Seriously

Let's be cheery and start with the good for this weekend. I bought the Lego Star Wars game for Xbox and it is so awesome. The only way it would be better is if it was for Episodes 4-6 instead of 1-3 but cool all the same. Daniel is a video game master however, so it has only taken us a few short hours to get through 2/3 of the game (we are trying to hold out on 3 to avoid spoilers but I don't think it is going to work). If it was me playing alone, it would take much longer as I am video game retarded.

The downside of this weekend was that I spent a few hours in the ER yesterday to discover that I have diabetes. I seriously feel like it is just one bad break after another for me. They couldn't really do much for me at the ER so I have to go to the doctor today to be treated and find out more. So right now I feel like total Ass. I have been feeling pretty crappy for a while so it is nice to know the cause but I can't wait to be treated. I had a farewell bite of cheesecake yesterday. I won't be eating that anymore.

2005-04-15T14:52:00.000-07:00

the new cruelty

I know I haven't posted in a while so let me see if I can make with the updates:

I took a new job at Ernst and Young (known on the inside as EY as in "Y is this place so boring?") as a graphic designer. So I am back to that racket and not exactly happy about it. I also had to take a 50% pay cut though I am pretending like I haven't. It could be a lot worse, at least I have a job. Oddly, I get business cards. My last job was about 20 steps up the food chain from this one and I didn't have any business cards. I think EY likes to lull their employees into a false sense of importance with things like business cards and .....uh I am sure there are other things. The upside is I don't have to actually apply myself or any brainpower to do my job, so bonus. I just wish I knew what to rechannel that thought into.

My body is totally falling apart as well. Although the knees are on the mend, my eyesight has completely given out. I don't think it is a "I need glasses" kind of thing, I think it is stress or something. In one week, I went from perfect eyesight to not being able to see anything beyond six feet. I am going to go to the doctor soon. It's probably terminal...Just Kidding.

My fabulous boyfriend is helping me do the home improvement gig to my house. This weekend we are installing a door (I also hope to spring clean) and then a few weeks from now we will be building a fence. It is exciting. The fence will revolutionize my dogs' life and, in turn, the humans' goodnight's sleep.

I am totally bombing out in my Biology class and have almost no time to get back on track. You would think that with my best friend on the faculty of the biology department, I could work this shit out but no. I just seem to not have the proper amount of time for studying and boy does it show.

Both this month and next month I will be travelling to LA. This month business, next month pleasure. The shocker of shockers is that there isn't a disneyland stop planned on either trip. How unlike me. It is the new poverty.

I live my life like a russian bread line....

2005-03-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang...I am the warrior

I watched Metallica's Some Kind of Monster day before yesterday. It made me more angry than any movie I have seen in a long time. How hard is it to rock? Why do they need a million days and a shitty therapist to produce a completely mediocre album? I am not a Metallica fan to begin with but now I hate them with such a fiery passion that there are no words. The whole time they were looking for a bass player (that would be about 4 hours in to the worlds longest documentary...ok, it wasn't that long but it felt like forever), I found myself thinking "Why don't they ask Patty Smythe? It couldn't be any more absurd than when Van Halen asked her to replace Diamond Dave." I didn't say this out loud though, lest Daniel should discover that I really am crazy.

Don't walk away, all you gotta do is stay

I am feeling very disconnected from the rollergirls lately. I hardly ever see them and I never visit practice. I have had a lot of skating dreams lately but all that has done is create some fear that I will never skate again. Not because my knees can't do it but if I have any fear or doubt when I skate, I am as good as fucked.

Since I had my accident, there has been so much rollergirl drama and I just don't know if I need all that. The impending loss of our rink, rollergirls spending too much time doing rails, etc.

And still with the food

I am still eating way too much and I need to stop immediately. That is all I have to say about that.

2005-03-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

Come home, Pony Sparkles, Come home...

I have had my iPod for a long time. Although I have had some music on it and use it on all the usual occasions, I have always felt that I have not taken full advantage of it. Well that is all changing now! As of yesterday, the inside of my iPod became as cool as its beautifully rhinestoned outside.

The aforementioned coolest guy, who happens to be lucky enough to be enjoying the pleasure of my company, Daniel, just put about 10gb of the coolest music on it and bought me an iTrip. Now I am fucking iPodding all over town. Step to that peanut butter cup hustlers! I feel like dancing like one of those assholes on the commericals.

On Play Right Now: Petula Clark's Greatest Hits - Don't Sleep in the Subway.

2005-03-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

Babies and Pets

All day long I have been trying to think of a side business I can start. So far all I know is that anything that has to do with babies or pets is a goldmine if marketed correctly.

I am also considering doing this with a guy I have been dating for not that long. Foolish? Quite possibly but I don't really care. In fact, that statement probably sums up our whole relationship at this point. Remember when I was blogging a while back about how I should try doing the thing where I dated someone I actually wanted to be friends with? Well, check that one of the list, we have a winner. So I am thinking that even if the whole dating thing went to hell tomorrow, this is someone that I would still want to be friends with forever. I already feel like I have known him for a very long time.

Don't get me wrong - there are some not too distant ghosts that could make this whole thing implode. Which it may very likely do at some point, but I really, really like him so I have decided, probably for the first time in my life, to do the optimistic thing instead of the pragmatic thing and just go with it (boy, is it scary). I have tried really hard not to fall for him and just be my normal flighty "here is a cute boy I can hang with for a while" self but it just doesn't seem to be working. In fact, I seem to want to do everything that is the exact opposite of what I normally do. I think I must of set the precedent for that on our first date - where I broke all of my normal rules (it is probably the opposite of what you think though).

Normally this isn't something I would blog about since it is very real and very right now (past relationships are always fair game) but I am kind of amazing myself here - and he is always amazing me. I can't seem to get it off my mind so I opt to put it out there.

2005-03-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

Must stop shovelling food in my face like a total asshole

I don't know what is going on with me but ever since my second surgery, I have been hungry all the time. So I just eat and eat like a total pig. It is really gross since I am not really much of an eater normally (though my body - the genetic betrayal that is my legacy - would suggest otherwise). It doesn't help that I can't really move around too much yet either. Must stop eating. For instance today I have had 3 bowls of vegetable soup, two handfuls of chips and about 7 thin mint cookies. I don't mean to be so "Clueless" in the way I can recall all of my food intake for the day, but I am dealing with a lot of shame here.

Now I know once I can move around and am not dealing with the crushing boredom of leg elevation, it will get better. I will eventually be back to my no eating, losing weight self but I think I am undoing months of work in a few short weeks right now.

In short, I totally suck right now. Oh but my new hairdo is totally cute.

2005-02-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

Weirdo Weekend

It started out really good. Friday night was a definite winner. I saw I heart huckabees and though I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, I loved it!!! It was one of those rare times when I found myself thinking "wow, that Marky Mark is a really good actor." I felt his vibration ("we'd all be heroes if we would quit using petroleum"). Then I had my most painless night of sleep that I have had since my operation, I attribute it to the company I was keeping.

However, it was all pretty much downhill after that. Saturday was nothing but boring. It doesn't sound like anyone's else's was much better. Had I gone out with the ladies post Dropframe (channel 12) season premier (did you see the rollergirls promo?), my night would have consisted of half a drive to High Street Speakeasy until we happened on a guy getting the shit beat out of him by six lodo frat types. Well, the rollergirls decided to flex a little muscle (or in typical rollergirl fashion, more tongue and vocal chords), pulled over and started screaming at the guys until they ran off. Rollergirls represent. I guess those guys stole his cell phone, wallet and really did a number on his face. I fucking hate lodo! What is wrong with people?

Sunday was the real loser of the weekend though. Inadvertently got sucked into someone else's depressive state. Was totally grumpy, so I decided to go out to bloody mary night at Lion's Lair, where Cat relayed the weekend events of the rollergirls. Things were looking up until my phone rang, looked at the number quickly, thought it was my sister but as I was answering it, realized that it was my least favorite Jew. He is really pulling out all the stops this time, letter not heeded. Got into a screaming fight with him in the middle of lion's lair, went outside and continued screaming at him. It looked something like this "get it through your fucking head, I don't love you - PS you don't love me" which would have been okay but then it got worse "what do you mean you are thinking about visiting some 22 year old in Fremont, you never came to visit me in SF. I always had to come to you. I fucking hate you, why can't you just leave me alone." It got even worse but I don't want to bore you with my drama. After a while it wasn't even about him, I was just going off.

The funny thing is, I am totally over him, usually I can easily deal with his childlike crap by just hanging up on him. I think I was projecting my fears and anxieties about other things (or other people) on to him. I made him my little punching bag, which he probably deserves but isn't very adult of me, none the less. I just feel really stupid now and immature. I have learned a valuble lesson about checking my caller id very carefully before I answer. I really don't want to speak to him anymore. Even though he is having some sort of crisis about me, I am really just indulging it because I have anxiety over my job and boy and bad timing. I am redirecting it into this complete waste of time that is Ivan.

As if this wasn't all bad enough, in an attempt to lighten my mood, I called the boy I would actually want to talk to and woke him from a sound sleep. Then I felt like even more of an asshole. It was a very unevenkeeled day. Usually I am a lot steadier.

So here's to hoping that this week, when I will lose my job and get the stupid immobilizer off, will be better. Here's hoping that next weekend will be fun and that things look up for everyone.

2005-02-27T13:31:00.000-08:00

My Knee is Sooooooo Pretty

2005-02-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

"There's nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy"

A little Breakfast Club reference seemed appropriate since I am sitting in my weekend English class. This is the last day of this hellish 9-4pm 3 weekend class. It actually was pretty easy and seems to be over fairly quick. Plus, you gotta love any class where I can blog while I am in it.

My leg is still killing me. This one is taking a lot longer to feel better than the last one. After the last surgery, I could have sex nine days after. This one, not so much. I am not even going to go into how much that is pissing me off. Frustrating is a total understatement.

Here is the worst part (ok not really worse than the no sex but induldge me) - I have a fucking cankle. My leg is so swollen and brusied that you really can't tell where the calf ends and the ankle begins. God I am an asshole. The bruising on this one is really astounding. I am going to post a picture when I can.

2005-02-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

PS

Where do you get off being all self righteous about how I am being taken care of and how my dad treats me? May I remind you that you are the trained chef that wouldn't even make me soup when I had a cold and the guy that watched me pawn my great grandmothers jewelry to pay rent, while you didn't even have to work. You suck, don't judge others.

2005-02-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

Open Letter to the Jew with the Giant Cock

I thought when you hung up on me the other week that would be the end of you for a while. But yet, you have popped up again, calling, emailing pictures, IMing. Here is what I have to say:

1. Give it up.

2. We had sooooo many years to make it work. You getting older and balder isn't going to make you anymore desirable. PS - you don't want me anyway. You just want what you can't have.

3. You know I go for the bald thing. What is with sending the long hair pics from the 80s? It does nothing for me, even if you look like dreamboat Leif Garrett. PS - in 88 I was 12 - doesn't that gross you out at all?

4. Remember when you called me a baby elephant? I am still not over it. It is not my fault that your prior girlfriend was a model/actress type - may I also remind you that she was frigid?

5. I am unimpressed by your money (as badly as I may need some of my own), the fact that you don't have to hold a job just makes you seem immature.

6. Here is something I have never said before in all the times that I have talked to you and about you - I always felt like it was just a matter of time before you punched me in the face. The chair throwing and breaking shit over stupid things like yankees games was scary. You have no ability to control your temper.

7. I never once said "Get your cock away from my face" and the more that I think about it the more annoyed I am that you would attribute this to me. It must have been theresa.

8. We had such a great talk at the end of last year. I wish we could have just left it like that. I am going to try and rewind back to then and hopefully you will contact me no more.

Last Advice:
Marry the Mexican
Open a car restoration shop (no matter how gross you think "car guys" are)
Don't move to florida but get the hell out of LA
Find some way to get ahold of Adam again. You need your hetero life mate. I do feel bad that I "broke you guys up" so to speak.

A.

2005-02-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

But in the first moment of her waking up...She knows she's losing it, yeah she's losing it....

Final thoughts for the evening:

I feel really fat and gross right now because I keep eating but yet can't move around. Plus I have an ugly zit, I blame surgery.

I couldn't do my english homework today because I was too drugged.

I have felt really unsettled today. I don't like it when I have feelings that I can't control. Obviously feelings, kind of by definition, can't be controlled but I am usually pretty good at keeping up my little shell. That has been more difficult lately and I am...well, confused. I am also thinking that I am always going to be a victim of bad timing. For once, I would like it to be right place, right time for me.

Scream 2 is pretty dumb.

As per usual, pain is making me really horny. Damn you insatiable sex drive.

Instead of going to sleep, I think what I am going to do now is attempt to take something like a shower. This will involve a chair, saran wrap, many towels and a midget. I feel too gross to sleep, something must be done. Not to get on too much of a tangent but one of my best friends here in denver will sometimes go a whole week without a shower. I can barely go 24 hours, everything gets so itchy.

Kidding about the midget.

2005-02-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

Cuts like a Knife

Wow, I must be in a weird mood if I am busting out the Bryan Adams references. I am two days post ACL surgery and boy does it hurt. Imagine - hot poker in the side of the knee while it is being squished in a vice. Unpleasant. Plus I have to wear the bitch ass Immobilizer which is like the most annoying thing in the world. I feel like there could be a cartoon about the Immobilizer. Where it is generally good natured but is always doing to wrong thing and getting its ass kicked through no fault of its own.

I know I shouldn't hate the Immobilizer, it keeps my knee from buckling. Yet I do. Its a punk ass bitch. I feel bad for not immobilizer recycling though. It occurred to me later that I could have brought the one from my last surgery with me to reuse, but I didn't do that. Now I have two. Maybe when I have my return to rollerskating birthday party in august, I will burn them.

Fuck that, it is all about the Cabbage Patch

The Running Man is on right now, even though the movie is total shit I can't help but love both Richard Dawson and Jesse Ventura in it. The actors least likely.

Airbrush this!

Mike has been helping me out during my period of invalidcy. He bought me March's Playboy and I have been thoroughly enjoying it. I think I am going to get a subscription. From why you have to spend $20,000 on a stereo system to naked Debbie Gibson, it is a brilliant piece of literary work. Not yet convinced? Check out this joke:

A third-grade teacher asked one of her students to spell the work straight. The boy did so. Then the teacher asked "What is the definition of the word?"
The boy replied "Without Ice."

Oh my god, that witty Playboy slays me. Wait, what year is this? If you would like to get back to me on that, you will find me by the hifi sipping my martini.

Mike put the centerfold up on the door of the bathroom but then when I told him she was only 19, he promptly took it down. I think I had witnessed the moment in Mike's life where he discovered he was old enough that "barely legal" just seemed gross. I would argue that she is so airbrushed, she isn't really human anyway so why does it matter?

Protocol

Aside from Mike coming to wait on me hand and foot ("Can you turn on the stereo? Can you buy me ice cream?" I am being a baby, though it is so uncharacteristic of me that I think I am entitled), I am doing a self imposed social isolation. I don't like people to see me when I can't shower properly, which is to say, standing up. But suprisingly I am missing someone a lot more than I thought I would. So much so that I have had to fight off buying them a overly expensive gift that they recently mentioned a bunch of times in casual conversation. It would be against all sorts of protocol to purchase it so I am not going to do it. But sometimes I wish that there weren't any rules and we could always do what we feel like.

Evan, where are you?

Are you so "Out" that you are done? (out in quotes looks a lot gayer than I expected, please excuse any unintended suggestion)

Job - gone

After months of wondering, lamenting etc, I have found out that I am indeed going to lose my job. They will tell me to move to NY and when I say no, I will be terminated. I have been asked a couple of times why I don't just go to NY. Why would I move for a job that I hate more than life itself? Just to avoid financial ruin? That seems shallow. Seriously, I don't think it will be financial ruin but it will be hard. It's okay, I have had a good run and I am all about finding a job that I will like more. I am sure that will be much to my money "borrowing" (as in I never see it again) family's dismay.

2005-02-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

Book Smarts

I don't really discuss books on here much but I am an avid reader. Though it is easier to read when I don't have to work. The working sucks all my time. Anyway, I have recently used my library card to rekindle my high school love of WP Kinsella. Most of you are probably like "who the hell is that?" but you all know who he is, even if you don't. He is the man responsible for the book that turned into Field of Dreams. Although the dude is Canadian, he loves to write about baseball.

As some of you may know, though I am not really a baseball fan per se, I love baseball moves and, yes, baseball books. For me baseball is all about the history and legacy, not really the sport. But I digress, I was talking about books.

Recently I also read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. That book is totally hot even if I was a little late to the party on it. Any guy who can do a whole essay on the fact that Billy Joel is cool because he is uncool is a man I could love. Though I wouldn't really say that I have a literary crush on him.

My only literary crush is Stephen Elliott (http://www.stephenelliott.com). Not only do I love his book Happy Baby (one of the few books in recent years that I have reread) but he is totally hot. I will say again - Hot! Also he seems to play into a common theme in my life lately (though my crush on him is fairly longstanding) which is things from Chicago. Everytime I turn around there is something about Chicago. Oh well, at least the common theme in my life isn't "Things from LA" because then I would just be pissy all the time and probably up to my eyeballs in exboyfriend. That probably reads a bit weird, I only have one ex in LA but I think if everything in my life right now was all about LA, there would probably be a lot more of him in it. So good on that!

Though I will admit that I am secretly missing LA right now - but not just LA, California as a whole. I am missing it so much that I listened to Tupac and Dre's California Love 10 times last night (West Coast Represent!). I also once again contemplated making my California themed CD but decided against it. I have been talking about that mix since before there were mixed CDs but yet have never done it. It may make me a bit sad, especially Joni Mitchell's California which is one of my favorite songs but kills me every time.

I had a great weekend, there are pictures but I am feeling too lazy to post them. The rollergirls made $205 at Revo on friday, yet I didn't see any of you there.

2005-02-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Revo show update

Apparently Sara T has cancelled so she won't be DJ'ing tonight. That girl has way too much stuff going on.

Also, your $9 cover includes all the beer you can drink (until the beer runs out).

2005-02-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here

I have had school house rock songs going through my head for the past few days. I am not really sure why.

superStar broke into the fridge while I was at school and ate a can of frosting. Now he is so hyper that he is jumping off the couch on to Monkey's back.

For some reason, I have this feeling of impending doom today. I am a stressball. I think it is because this coming weekend is so busy that I don't think I am going to get to sleep at all.

Speaking of which, the Revo show lineup is different than what I originally posted. Here it is:

Atlas
Machine Gun Blues
Tigerlilly Jumpstation
Dragon Deer (which is apparently just some version of the swayback)

DJs - Sara T and Mike Howard

Fashion show

Rocky Mountain Rollergirls will be selling jello shots

$9 Friday Feb 11 8pm

2005-02-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

Today

I lost my pen

My knees are killing me (weather related)

I am going to flunk my bio test, I can feel it (I am having concentration problems, so the studying isn't going too well)

I have decided to look for a new job, I don't care if it drives me into bankruptcy.

My all time favorite Buck Rogers episode is on. (where the kids go crazy from listening to poison rock music)

More Buck Rogers thoughts

Was Dr. Theopolis a PhD? I would assume so as it doesn't seem that he could treat people very well if he was a medical doctor. Could he see? Did his computer head have to spend all the time in school or was he just programmed as a doctor? Wait, was he a dead real person in robotic frisbee form? What exactly was going on with him and Twiki? They were like robot life partners.

2005-02-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

The bra that broke the camel's back

My dog, Monkey, eats bras. He loves them more than any other thing. So I have become very adept at hiding them away when I take them off. Though sometimes I forget. In the last week Monkey has eaten both of my newest bras. Not only are they the newest but they are also the ones that look best on me.

When I discovered him eating my black one yesterday (which i had put under my pillow when I took it off but he discovered it in the two minutes that I was in the bathroom), I lost it. I couldn't believe that I was standing there crying over a bra but yet there I was. After a few minutes I realized it was stupid and not the end of the world. I moved on but I am still really pissed. Monkey is, of course, completely oblivious to his own actions. He is a good dog otherwise but I can't seem to break him of his underwear fetish (he has a thing for panties too).

2005-02-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

One More Thought

This maybe the most spoiled thing I have ever said but I am going to say it anyway. In the middle of all of my current financial troubles it really pisses me off that my father, who has all the disposable income in the world and no other children, won't loan me one red cent.

Well that isn't entirely true. I am sure he would loan me money if I sold my soul to the devil, started voting republican, sold my dart, wore clothes meant for a 50 year old, sold my house, bought one piece of furniture from Ethan Allen (as opposed to 15 pieces from thrift stores) and never disagreed with a single thing he said ever again. Unfortuntately, I still have a spine and am incapable of that sort of arrangement.

I am sure you think I am probably exaggerating. I assure you, if anything I am downplaying the situation. I just wish he was a bit more compassionate, that's all.

Okay, I am really going to write my mary-kate and ashley paper now. Really. Here I go.

2005-02-06T19:08:00.000-08:00

Thud

I think I just hit the brick wall at the end of Short Term Disability bliss. For some reason, I was not paid my normal amount on pay day and I think it is because my company messed up and had been paying me too much before. So although my disability isn't up until the end of the month, I think the money is gone. Which is a problem because having bad knees is some expensive shit, PT alone is $75 a week. So I am broke as a joke right now.

That being said, I am going to be really pissed if I go back to work and they just lay me off. It is a definite possibility but I am trying not to get too down about it. I figure one way or another, everything will work out and if for some reason it doesn't - I chose Derby (hence injury) and I have no ability to save money - so I made my own bed, I'll lie in it.

School is also really hard right now and I am not helping anything by writing this instead of my evaluation paper on the works of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (No I am not kidding) for English Comp. I just can't seem to focus on it.

On a more positive note...

I am still in love with that mixed CD. Although the actual CD is now with its intended recipient, I can't stop listening to it on my iTunes.

I am getting a sizable income tax return so hopefully that will come soon and ease some of my financial woes.

The other morning someone told me that I make them really happy. I played it off like I heard that sort of thing all the time but it was the best thing I have heard in months. I am not going to let it go to my head though.

2005-02-04T11:15:00.000-08:00

Best Mixed CD ever?

I just made the best mixed CD last night and the best part is that I think, for once, it will be appropriately appreciated by the recipient.

Two weeks until final surgery!!! Yay. Downside: Three weeks until back to work - boo!

2005-01-30T15:16:00.000-08:00

Nearly Impossible

It is nearly impossible to take a picture of your own ass (I should clarify that I am not trying to take a picture of my ass so much as my panties). If anyone has any good ideas on how I can accomplish this, please let me know.

2005-01-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

Bentleys, Ass...Cut

Torque is starting on Cinemax right now and I can't decide whether or not to turn the channel. I know it is bad but does that mean it is any worse than what is on the other channels? If I flip now I will miss the beginning of the movie - what if I flip through all the other channel and accept that Torque is my best option? I will be totally out of the loop then.

Stranger Than Fiction

The other day I had a pretty candid discussion with my dad about my dating life. More candid than I am with a lot of my friends even. Aside from the fact that I never really tell my dad anything, what was really weird is that he was pretty cool about it. Obviously I didn't go into the specifics of my sex life or anything but usually he is judgemental about everything I do. It was so strange that with this thing that would be so easy to judge, he would just leave it alone.

2005-01-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

Staying In

Every once and a while, you just need a night in, you know? Tonight I have decided to turn down the invitations from friends and dates in favor of a night with my dogs, my English comp paper and iTunes. It is so relaxing. I feel like it has been a all-go, no-quit kind of week and I didn't even get everything done.

Don't forget, tomorrow is the Skate and Bake at Roll-o-rama, as I can not skate, you will find me at the bake sale table.

2005-01-28T14:37:00.000-08:00

The new cruelty...

I am oddly fascinated by my upcoming surgery. It will definitely be more painful than the last but I think I am getting a lot out of it for my money. Check this out:

Donor Achilles Tendon and a bit of bone (which will be used for my new ACL)
A relocated iliotibial band and big metal screw
An EndoButton (which sounds more exciting than it is).
A few quality scars, which I find really sexy.

Here is a drawing of the endobutton and donor tendon in action:

It's pretty hot huh?

Many people might be bothered by the idea of some dead person's body parts being in them. For me, it is the exact opposite - I find it exciting. I am not sure exactly why I feel that way. I will have to give it some more thought.

The downside of my upcoming surgery is that I won't be able to drive for a while after and I am not sure how that will affect my school situation but I will figure it all out.

2005-01-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

It's just all wearing me down...

How could it be so hard to find some fun guy to have regular sex with? I am just not a complicated girl and am not looking for something serious. You would think that I would be the perfect catch. Every freaking time I go out the same thing happens, either I think they are hot but they aren't interested or vice versa. The problem with the vice versa is that I feel like a complete ass.

Take last night for instance - nice guy, into the same things I am into, we talk for like four hours. But no matter how much I drank, I just couldn't get into him. I feel like a jerk. The one comfort that I take in it is that it isn't just some superficial looks thing. Some of the guys I have been hot for recently were not as good looking as this guy. It just really is some sort of weird "chemical" thing, for lack of a better explanation.

2005-01-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

Genetic Drift and Chaos Theory

Today during my biology lecture I began thinking about how or if the fact that genetic drift only affects small populations has some sort of ramifications on the associated chaos. Like would the genetic drift trigger some small, imperceptible change that would then again affect evolution? Maybe there is no correlation between the two but if any of you know something about it, could you please let me know? I emailed mike earlier, since this is right up his alley (boy advice - bad, science - good) but I will have to wait until sometime tomorrow for a response and I can't get off of it.

2005-01-25T10:22:00.000-08:00

Bad Guys are my spanish fly

I am trying to get excited about this date I have tomorrow but I just can't get into it. I just have this feeling he is going to be too nice. I have spent the better part of the last day or so wondering why it is that I am so attracted to the bad guy. Like the more they act like a jerk, the more into it I am. Of course, some of it is the concept of "chase" but I think it is more like the line from annie hall (and groucho marx) that says "I wouldn't want to be in any club that would have me for a member".

It doesn't have anything to do with my self esteem, like somehow I am not good enough for the good guy - that isn't it at all. So what is it? I really can't figure it out. I spent six years plus with Ivan dealing with this and I really thought that after that and my little dating hiatus, I was over it. Recent events suggest otherwise. I have definitely evolved though, unlike Ivan, I don't think I should be dating the bad guy anymore - it just totally turns me on.

I guess what I am looking for is someone who is actually really nice but will indulge me and act really really mean right before (and a bit during) sex. There is my order, print it up.

2005-01-25T03:13:00.000-08:00

New Logo

We have finally decided on a new logo (part of the new era where Amanda doesn't do everything). Although her socks bother me, it is very cute.

Can't Sleep

As the longer time readers will remember, I have had some serious problems with insomnia in the past. Since my accident those issues seem to have subsided - my personal theory is that I sleep more so that I don't have to deal with the pain. Anyway, I can't sleep tonight and considering how long past insomnia bouts have lasted, it always makes me a bit edgy when this happens.

Though the truth is that I had two large coffee beverages today and that is probably what is keeping me up. Now that I am back in school, I have resumed my pre school coffee schedule. Basically, I have been almost totally off coffee since my accident so it probably explains the not sleeping.

The Monkey doesn't understand why we are awake. As I type this, he is resting his head on my shoulder and it seems as he is pleading with me to turn off the light and go to sleep. Monkey is not a demanding dog but he is pretty transparent when it comes to his wants and needs. Okay, he just got up and went into the other room. Totally fed up with me.

Diligent

Blogging friends, look how updatey I have been recently. I am trying to get better about updating now that I am feeling a bit more social. Though I am sure that will all go to hell once I start working again. I recently met someone who up and quit their job to do what they really wanted instead of what they were expected to do. I am soooo jealous. I can't even figure out what I really want to do (in short term, that is - long term - vet) let alone muster enough guts to quit my job.

(right now the Indigo Girls are on a rerun of Conan - it feels as though they are actually going to make me physically ill - maybe I should turn the channel)

Rollergirls

There is some new rollergirls inner circle push to get rollergirl tattoos (whatever that looks like). Apparently there is some tattoo shop that would like to be a RMRG sponsor so I guess that means reduced price tattoos. I am not sure that a discount exactly makes for a good reason to get one though.

I only have one tattoo that I gave myself when I was 13. Although that seems really tough, it actually didn't hurt at all for some reason. I feel fairly certain that wouldn't be the case with a pro tattoo. Though knowing me I would probably get off on the pain.

Events

The Rollergirls have a few events coming up - please feel free to repost in your respective online worlds:

1/29 - Skate and Bake
Roll-o-rama (8370 Welby Rd Thornton)
This is the first PG rated event for RMRG. From 12-3pm we will be hosting a family skate and bake sale. $4 gets you admission, free pizza from Benny Blancos and skates. There will also be a free potluck and baked goods for sale.

2/11 - Jell-O shots at Revo
Revoluciones (3519 Brighton Blvd)
Revo will be hosting a show featuring The Swayback, Atlas and some other bands. The Rocky Mountain Rollergirls will be selling Jell-o shots. There will be plenty of whip cream on hand.
Incidentally I will be making the Jell-o shots, I am so good at it that you should totally come out. I have made my jell-o shot creation a science (I wish I had everclear, though).

2/12 - KBDI Sports Auction
Channel 12 5 or 6pm
Though I am sure we will all be totally hung over from the previous evening's activites, RMRG will be working the phone banks at the KBDI sports auction. Look for us in our cutey pie shirts with our hot new logo. We will also have a few minutes to plug the rollergirls.

3/12 - Warehouse Party
Address TBA
We will be hosting a warehouse party with bands and full bar (maybe some skating too) at one of Denver's favorite party warehouses. The details haven't been fully nailed down though and we are not yet allowed to announce location so keep an eye out for updates.

2005-01-24T19:48:00.000-08:00

There wasn't even anyone worth giggling to...

Believe me, if there had even been one guy on Operation Manhunt worth conning into giving me a ride home, I totally would have done it. It was just one lame guy after another. When I am turned on by someone, I am really turned on but it is the same way with turned off. When I am not into it, I am really not into it.

Evan, I understand your drinking and driving concern and considering your last three months, I know I have absolutely no point to argue but I was really ok. I am usually pretty good at figuring out when it isn't ok for me to drive.

I looked so fabulous today

I don't know what it was but I looked totally hot. I think it was because my hair was up and I was wearing the sexy glasses. The problem with me and looking hot is that once I think a certain look works, I work it right into the ground. I will try to spread it out a bit.

2005-01-23T18:32:00.000-08:00

Maybe there is no Xanadu...

Recent developments suggest that the elusive "no strings sex" aka "Bootie Call" may not exist. Someone always has a hidden agenda. It seems lately every time I consider some new dating adventure, one of my friends has an experience totally go south that parallels what I was considering. It is freaking me out a bit. Today it is bootie calls and a few weeks ago it was dating friends of friends. What will it be next?

2005-01-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

Operation Manhunt = Complete Bust

Last night's operation manhunt couldn't have been a bigger waste of time. Though we did assess that a employed yuppie type is NOT better than an unemployed hipster type. Ugh, we actually saw guys in cable knit sweaters last night. At one point I put on my glasses (which I usually only use for the computer and to make me look oh so sexy) so that I wouldn't have to look at anyone.

And when did the Rhino Room close? That was a unfortunate discovery. That shit was mingle-ly, if a little lame.

So the night came to an end with Cat phoning up her bootie call and us waiting for him to pick her up on Colfax. It is so charming, all nights should end like that. To make matters worse, she made me discuss cultivating my "bootie calls" with him and he didn't really have any helpful advice. Yet, he was convinced by the end of the call that I shouldn't be driving myself home (though I did and I was fine). I felt like such a loser last night. At least it is in a way that is really funny this morning.

Hey buddy my face is up here

I am off to another fun day of English Composition. This time I am opting to wear something a bit less revealing.

2005-01-22T18:49:00.000-08:00

Blogging for God

Just kidding!! I just wanted to give everyone a bit of an update as I haven't posted for a couple of weeks. My surgery incisions are healing nicely though my knee is still very unstable. My next surgery will probably be in three weeks or so.

Pleasure and Pain

Why does it seem that joy is always coupled with sadness? I have been having a really fun couple of weeks -

just the normal boy dramas (though admitedly things have been a little weird in that department - it's own little world of pleasure and pain!),
hanging with rollergirls (mostly I have just spent countless hours making Cat, the bootie call guru, advise me in the mysterious ways of no strings sex - boys are hard to figure out sometimes)
and getting back into the school swing of things (my Comp instructor, though married with children, is totally hot and spent all day staring at my tits. I know it sounds egotistical but it is totally true - it may have something to do with the fact that they are practically popping out of this shirt though - HOT!)

However, in this same great week, my best friend also got really sick and I spent the better part of a day with him in the ER and the rest of the week camped out on his couch. Missing the great 72 degree day in a cold, dark cavey house. He is better now though and is starting to resume his normal life (which means that I am free to go out on Operation Manhunt tonight!). It is weeks like this when I really get to see what I am good at, work be damned, I am one hell of an awesome friend - great in a crisis, completely charming with medical staff (even when dealing with some pretty disgusting stuff) and able to ramble off a list of someone else's daily medications without even thinking about it. Why can't I get paid for that? Just kidding. It would be like Wonder Woman charging! Ha!

Operation Manhunt!!!!!

I am totally supposed to be working on a paper for my comp class tomorrow right now but this is way more fun. Plus I was feeling a little blog neglect guilt. Did you notice that I changed the comment feature? I am not exactly happy with the new comments as you have to log in to blogger to have your name posted. Plus it wiped out all my old comments, which are really just a lengthy testament to commenter Evan's excellent wit.

Anyway, once I finish this and my paper, Cat and I are out on an Operation Manhunt adventure. Operation Manhunt is a somewhat strategic attempt at generating new boy adventures. We go to bars that we wouldn't normally go to that we have identified as Mingle-ly but not LoDo-y. It is a tough find.

I have decided that for good luck (whatever that may mean in this situation) that I will write Operation Manhunt with little stars on my underwear in Sharpie. I figure it can't hurt. I love my life.

Get the Funk Out

Some of you may have noticed that the great knee related depression of 2004 has come to an end. All I can say is - Totally!!! Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. Ultimately, injuries aside, I am pretty much in control of my own destiny so I choose fun!!!!!!!! and crafts. I just have to figure out what to do about that job thing though. Luckily Dave has been working on that a bit for me - thanks Dave!!!!

Miss Teen Wordpower

I know I haven't changed my MP3s in forever but I am totally on a New Pornographers kick again so if you haven't already, give those songs a listen. If you have an account, you can download the album off emusic.

2005-01-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

Post Surgery

So I had my first surgery on the fifth of this month. The pain afterwards was worse than the injury itself but now I am on the mend. I am having to learn how to walk all over again though as this has really changed the way my knee works. I am also totally in love with my new custom made leg braces. I never thought I would say that I love a brace but they are so much better than my old ones. I haven't given them names yet but I think I will, probably some sort of famous but tragic couple, like Sid and Nancy. But not that because it is a bit too cliche.

Other than that I am just trying to get ready to go back to school and doing my physical therapy so I can have my next surgery. I am finally healing though and that feels great.

Do you know what else are great? Boys...

2005-01-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

2005 just feels different

The last week of 2004 was huge for me. Between candid conversations with friends, ex-boyfriends, therapists and assorted boy dramas, I feel like I went through a pretty radical change at the end of the year. It would be hard to explain exactly other than it feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest.

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy and I have decided to that for 2005 my only mission will be to be aware of my self destructive impulses and fight them. I am going to stop projecting past situations on to current ones. I am going to stop worrying about what could happen and just appreciate what I have. Mostly, I am going to act happy on the outside, no matter how I feel on the inside and hopefully it will just seep inward when I am down.

Here is another thing that I am going to do: take my own advice. I am the master of giving out advice. I am so good at it that it's crazy. But when it comes to myself I just can't see things as clearly, or at least I hadn't been able to until recently. Through conversations with friends and my sister, I realize that sometimes I should just listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth and apply them to myself.

2005-01-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

Hello 2005!

For many months now, I have been pondering the ins and outs of relationships and romance. Some of it I have done publicly on the blog, most was just in my head during the countless hours I have been stuck in bed. Just as the year was coming to a close, I finally found the answers I needed and came to some conclusions of my own. So people of the internet, here they are:

1. Being in love is completely indefinable.
Someone once told me that you love someone because of how they make you feel about yourself, not how you feel about them. While I think this is totally true, what is weird is that there is no way to quantify this. There is nothing that anyone can do to make someone love them more or less, people just feel how they feel.

2. There is not just one person for everyone, there are several.
Some you will love more than others but there will be many people that you "click" with over the course of your life. The trick is figuring out when to stop and settle down.

3. Sometimes the love of your life won't have anything to do with romance.
I am kind of ripping off Dawson's Creek here but sometimes your "soulmate", if you will, the person that understands you above all others may not be the person you are "in love" with. There are all different kinds of relationships in this world. Although the person you choose to love for the rest of your life should be the most important, that doesn't mean that you can't have other "deep and meaningful" relationships in your life.

4. Love is a numbers game.
This one I really hate to admit because I argued the opposite for so long. My friend Chris used to always say that "finding the right person was just about meeting the right number of people to get to that person". I would argue that "no, absolutely not. you are just as likely to meet the love of your life on the first try as the hundredth". Sadly I have realized that this is absolutely not true. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to click with someone. It is just that simple. I told my sister early today that it is probably 1 in 20 people, though if you go by the Bachelor/Bachelorette, they seem to think that it only takes 12.

So that is about it and frankly, I feel a lot better. I could tell you about what I have found out specifically about myself, like I am very "sex oriented" (direct quote from an ex) but it really isn't that important. I am far more interested in these bigger universal truths about love.

So despite the bad knees, shitty job and other assorted dramas, this list is what 2004 was about for me. It was my one great accomplishment this year.

Bring on the next one.

2004-12-22T13:31:00.000-08:00

General Update

I just don't really feel much like talking but at the same time have some sort of overwhelming guilt around blog abandonment. I think part of the issue is that there was a big misunderstanding with a friend regarding something that I posted a while back. In a way it all worked out ok because it forced us to talk out some bigger issues. In another way it made me very blog conscious. So I don't know. It is kind of a down day in general as things don't seem to be going quite right on many fronts.

Here is one thing that is good...I got the most amazing christmas present of my life yesterday - a theremin built into a pee wee herman doll. Deal with that!

Here is a question for you...Is it okay to be sad because someone else is happy? Not in a jealous or malicious way but in a way where you know that happiness may directly impact you in a negative way. I don't know, I have been thinking about it a lot. A lot of people say life is a juggling act but I think they are talking about tangible things. Well what about emotional things? I feel like I am constantly juggling my emotions around, rearranging them to make things simplest for everyone involved. Is this what other people do? is this normal? More importantly how long can I keep it up?

It's only flaw

I have been watching a lot of DVDs as a result of my injury. Currently I am watching the "Untitled" version of Almost Famous. I feel that it is one of the most perfect movies ever made. Well, now I have found a flaw - it is totally unnecessary to have both "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters" and "Tiny Dancer" in the movie. Small flaw but it did kind of stick out for me today. Actually a line from the movie really sums my feelings about what has been going on today:

"She was your biggest fan and you threw her away"

It's a nice line.

You inspire me (to write in my blog)

Commenter Evan - I think I have an internet crush on you. Mostly because you are the only person who bothers to comment on my blog.